DEath Note

Death knocks unknowingly and almost always at the wrong time.

Today's newspaper reported a death of a 16 year old boy near who stays near my place. So untimely. So sudden.

It almost seemed like a bad dream. It became reality.

One more soul gone forever. Has he been saved? Has he heard the gospel?

I am seriously jolted from my comfort zone.

Last night, some of us went ot Geylang for dinner. A friend of mine popped a question, " I wonder who shares the gospel to the people in GEylang. "

That sentence stuck with me throughout. I really wonder who shares the good news with them.

I am really at a loss. I really need to pray. Because the need is real.

Some of us toy with good Christian concepts, while souls out there are being lost.

where your heart is, there your receipts will be.

Uncle preached on money on sunday.

What struck me hard was my treasure. Where my receipts lead to, there you'll find my treasures.

I've been looking back and I have decided to stop spending money on worthless stuff.

Sweets, can drinks, extra food. They all must go. I don't need them.

I wanna be all out to save and contribute to building fund!!! =)

I want to be responsible for my money! =)

Till the ground till it's ready.

We don't manipulate the hands of God.

We don't force Revival to come.

We don't manufacture Revival.

We don't move hearts or effect change.

But we can till the ground.

I will put my hands to the plough. At all cost.

At all cost.

At all cost.

I want to fashion my life according to His plans. One step at a time. One prayer at a time. One less sin at a time.

I will not die till I see the promise of God come to pass in my life.

My hands will behold the glory of His rain.

Let it start now. Now.

In School, and not in good shape.

Yesterday, the leaders gathered to pray. WE sat there, we prayed and God spoke.

I am convicted. Of the things I should have done and have not done.

Quoting from Daryl's sound clip,"We can spend 2 hours in a stinking cinema and not pray for half an hour"

Stale bread. Feeding on crumbs. Leftovers.

Is that what I want to achieve in ministry? Is that what I want to achieve in school? Scraping by and giving my minimal, just to get away?

Guilty as charged. I have chosen the path of an Israelite in Moses' time, asking whether for stale bread, when He feeds daily.

Gracious Saviour, Loving friend.

"You stood before my failures,
and carried the cross for my shame..."

I can still stand before Him. With arms wide, and heart abandoned.

Not in good shape, but Lord mould me, because I am willing.

Nanyang Business School

Well, the blogger dashboard feels like a friend I have not seen in a while.

Anyway, school has started and it's exciting!

This is a school God has called me to! I am gonna try to make the best out of it! Will try to seize every opportunity I have to share the gospel!

The pressures remain. The workload has increased, and life hasn't gotten easier.

I struggle. The work presented before me definitely surmounts my army life. Lol.

I am determined to do well and excel, so that I can prove to myself and my lifegroup that we can do well in school and still maintain our priorities! Got that power M&M?? Haha.

School presents sin in various guises. The skimpy attires, the coporate brainwashing, clubbing, chasing girls, you get the picture. I wonder whether I can be that shining light to my school.

The gospel is truly POWER unto Salvation. I feel challenged to believe in that and LIVE it out!

I pray for myself that my light will shine before man, that all will see His goodness.

I feel emboldened. Empowered and recharged to share His word. Because, the passion goes deeper this time, and I am determined to not let God pass by my friends because of my cowardice.

LG outing.

As promised to Lester and Stanley, it's defamation time for all the crimes you both have done!!!
To all who went to the LG outing, perish and burn in the burning lake of sulphur!! Muahaha.

No la. Joking.

Anyway, we went out to cycle at ECP and eat Sakae at PArkway. Thought FON-Kok's eating prowess would rear it's true abilities. Alas, all came to a nought.

So anyway, here are some pictures for your entertainment. Hmm, should start installing the flikcer thing...

LEster just woke up....Haha..

Look at Stanley, he just woke up too.

"Don't cut down my forest! You have to cut past me! No I am not letting go of this tree! No!"

Marvel

It's amazing how time flies. It is already Friday.

Phew! Bali video is finally done! Burnt it out yesterday already.

Cool man! Haha. Thank You Gloria and DOm, in case I do forget to thank ya. Here it is for the record!

Anyway, went to see guitars yesterday. Got to know a guitar guy at Bras Basah better. Didn't get a chance to share with the army friend I went with, but I did ask him whether he wanted to come church. He said no.

Last night, had a really good chat with Aunty Veron. She told me about her childhood stories and how she came to know the Lord. It was simply amazing. I am amazed at her life. And how God has changed her and brought her so many blessings.

Well, as with all such conversations, one starts thinking about oneself. I was no exception.

As I took the train how, I started to think about my life. I asked myself, what have I done to deserve such a life?

What have I done to deserve a well-to-do family, while the kid on the street struggles to buy a bowl of noodles because his dad went to jail?

What have I done to deserve a car to drive, when people walk home becuase they don't have money to pay for bus?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It brought me new perspectives on material wealth.

MAterial gains really don't belong to me, they are just a gift from God. I don't deserve it, and God doesn't value it.

Suddenly, social status, money, assets all fade to a dimly casted shadow. A pale comparison.

Lord, I want to live my life better. Thank You for Your blessings. I won't start being altogether altruistic or philantrophic, but one thing I'll do - be grateful.

My House COmputer is down!!

Argh! My brother and I did something to the wireless router and now I cant access the internet.

Anyway, some of the guys are in Ipoh. I am here in S'pore, giving up my holiday to do Bali Video! What a great sacrifice. Haha. Lame.

So it's been a while, since that's the case, let's go through what I've been doing since sunday.

Well, slept in till 1pm on Monday, thanks toWorld Cup. Zidane, Zidane, the world's rambling and musing about you. Why why, did you miss the header and hit Materazzi? Oh Well.

I played Tennis with Uncle on Tuesday and went to his house to watch Baloche talk about music theory on DVD.

Well, we were parking at AMK Ave 10 to eat lunch (It's a great place to eat Ban Mian!!) and GLen was talking about worhsip leading. He said, in my own phrases, that sometimes we place expectations on ourselves and expect certain things to happen in worship.

Well, I thought about it, and I felt it's true for me. Sometimes, as a worhsip leader, I want God to move in a certain way; maybe His Holy Holy presence falls and all prostrate in awe. Hah.

But yesterday, it's just dawned upon me, again, that it really isn't about me and my expectations. I just have to let Him do it.

That's why sometimes I feel so stressed, almost like a need to perform. So I've learnt.

Lord, it really never was about the song or the arrangement, it's about You and pleasing You.

Feels weird. I can't describe the feeling. I feel like I am stuck in time.

This morning when my Dad asked me to fetch my bro to school, I thought he still had remedial. It wasn't much later that I realised school had started for all the young ones.

Well, ain't much this week. Preparing songs for youth sunday and a video for Bali trip.

Aiyah dunno la. Forget it. Haha. No inspiration to blog. But here is a picture of my brother.

Bali Trip

I'm back! It's been a while.

Well, Bali Trip was good. Didn't do much ministry, but nonetheless, God spoke. And that, for me, is good enough.

Disappointed? Not really, because I got to rest as well. My only comparison would be that of a mission trip to Jogjakarta. Now that, was really hectic and we saw things we never seen before. Maybe that's why the expectation for the Bali trip. God does things His own way, and that settles it for me.

This trip, we had ministry on two days, and so it was a good mixture of fun and work.

One thing I felt I should have done more was pray. The mood was relaxed and I think I took it too easy. That's a lesson learnt.

We did have a good time shopping, buying souvenirs and feasting. Haha.

JAson, Daryl and I went to this Japanese Fusion Restaurant. Woah, the rolls were really good. I can't describe it, but it was delectable! You have to taste it to understand... HAha. We ate dunkin doughnuts too!! Yummy!!

God reminded me that His thoughts outnumber the grains of sand (Psa 139:18) during devotion one morning, and as I sat along the beach and watched the sunrise, I really felt small and insignificant. Who is man that You are mindful of him? Unfortunately, my handphone camera isn't really that good at capturing. What a waste! So that's about it for Bali trip.. Thank God!

Non-inspiring post

Today is just one of those I-don't-have-the-mood-to-blog days. So hopefully, I don't sound like I'm taking minutes.

Haha, anyway I'd still blog, since I am going away to Bali tomorrow afternoon.

Well, I am sick. And it really doesn't feel good. Was quite sick on Tuesday afternoon; wanted to go see a doctor, but I was ambivalent. Finally, I decided to put my faith to the test.

You see, last week, and two weeks back, I told god, nonchalantly, that I needed something to test my faith. So you see, God honours your word. Casual conversations with God do lead to serious consequences.

Anyway, I fell sick. So it was a good time of trusting God to heal me. No fever since yesterday! Praise God! Still feel a little sick, but nonetheless, so so much better! Yup, thank God really.

Being physically weak has showed me how weak I can be. My old self re-surfaces, old habits resurrect. Hah. How weak and feeble my mind and will can be.

As I go Bali, I want to try to be at my best for God. But, whatever lah, God uses our weakness to perfect His power.

I think the lesson for me this week and the weeks to come is obedience.

Daryl and I were talking about pride, we were wondering how to stop the pride-thing from surfacing in our lives.

For me, it's loving God, hearing His voice and obeying Him.

It's so easy, yet I struggle so much at times.

Lord, it was never needed, yet you chose to give Your life for me. How can I stand here and not be moved by You?

God's account of merit was never about how many ministries, how many worship duties, how many people you shepherd or how many prophescies you given, it's only currency is OBEDIENCE.

Welcome back! Wow! Church Retreat has really been a retreat for me! It was such a wonderful time of listening to God and letting God affect a greater part of my life!

Well, God spoke to me during the camp.

If you do read my previous entries, I think I mentioned about having a child-like faith.

In God's timing, nothing is coincidental. When I went for camp, Lill spoke about being a child again. And it rang through in my heart.

I really felt the need to return to being a little kid in God's eyes.

Some things just hit you really hard, even though they seem like truths that everyone should understand and know.

I was kneeling at the altar on Wednesday night, and God re-affirm His love for me.

You see, I have always never felt good about myself, diving myself into God's work and putting on a mask. I've allowed ministry, at times, to mask my vunerabilities.

During camp, I had NOTHING to do- well almost. And it felt quite uncomfortable. I have come to realise that serving had been a form of escape for me. Don't ask me why, but focusing on work turned my eyes away from letting God deal with me.

And so He did during the camp. God really showed me and told me that He could be my everything; if I let Him be. All those wonderful verses of love and God's faithfulness became so so real.

I felt the Lord's embrace. It's an indescribable feeling. It just makes you bail and wail. Overwhelmed.

I like to 'feel' His presence. I like to always have the 'loved' feeling. But I guess God, doesn't always make it as such; if not, my walk with God would be totally reliant on my emotions.

Felt the Lord tell me to walk in faith in this area - to trust Him to be my all. To know that His words ring through even through the valley.

Can't elaborate properly because I just woke up. Still quite sleepy. All Glory to Him, because even when we are faithless, He is faithful.

Lord, thank You that Your love is never ever measured by what we are, what we do, or the sins we committed. It is without condition. I can never fully understand the depths of Your love. But I know it's deep enough to warrant my full response. So Lord, I love you. I try to Lord. I really do. Amen.

Child-like faith

Well, one more day to church camp.

Glorious time of fellowship! Kinda excited to go church camp. Really looking forward to it.

This is the first time I can actually ask God to speak to me. The past youth camps have always been action and more action! A nice refreshing change. =)

This time, I would have the time and space to ponder and meditate over His word and sit in His presence! Yes!

Well, yesterday was a great time of service and missions meeting.

Don't know why, but last night as I was doing my Quiet Time, God reminded me of child-like faith. At that moment, the face of one of the youth flashed through my mind.

He would always catch my eye. Don't ask me who, you go figure. I'd always see him at the altar kneeling and pouring his heart out to the Lord. Such purity and earnesty.

He's more hungry than some of us older christians; not comparing, don't get me wrong.

When I look at him, I only see a heart fully yielded to the Lord.

The second thing that went through my mind was a picture of my heart. I just felt God removing all the layers of hardeness, and there appeared a 'fresh' heart. Hah.

I guess that sums it all up. A simple, untainted love for God.

Help me Lord, because I find it so hard to say yes when You ask me to. Give me a child-like heart, because all You ask is simple trust.

Wah... My head's growing big, so many nice comments.

Well, anyway, decided to blog since I am waiting for my brother to finish his game. Gotta send him to school.

Time flies, and it's the end of the week already. This week, I told myself I'd spend more time with God since I don't have anymore school. Unfortunately, the opposite took place.

Well, oops. Time for some repentance and solid time with God. Must do it! Cuz I actually feel quite remorseful. Heh.

Anyway, had missions prep training on Wednesday night. It was good.

We were paired up to pray and listen to God. It was a session on praying for others and moving in the Spirit. I was saboed by Dom and Daryl - there were only three of us and Ps Ben. Their chairs shuffled and faced each other, faces to the ground, before I could even say "Shish-Kebab".

So I prayed with Ps Ben. That was ok.

It wasn't till the meeting was ending and Ps Ben was rounding up and then he said,

"Jem, I see a word, ' Discouragement'."

Ok, wow, so scary. I was like, oh man, why don't say just now when I pray for you, only release now??

ANyway, Daryl and Dom prayed for me and God said He believed in me.

That, was awesome. Having a person look into your eyes and tell you He believes in you is simply breath-taking.

Well, my brother's rushing me, so my last words to you peeps,

God believes in you, even when you don't see the breakthru.

God believes in you, even when you turn away from Him.

Thanks Jesus, because when I hear those words, I know You meany every single one of them. Thank You.

Last days...

What can I say? Today was my last day at Bedok Green. I have been here for the past ten weeks and it's been an enriching experience.

I leave with mixed emotions. Slightly melancholic but nonetheless relieved. Gerald said that Bedok Green's mild compared to North Brooks.. But I'm happy that I don't have to face the pandemonium anymore. Hah.
But it is kinda sad leaving the school. I stared at my desk one last time. I had tidied the place and cleaned up most of the mess that had accumulated. And it was 1pm, clocked 5 1/2 hours-time to leave.

I would never forget the countless naggings of the DM, the clutter of recess breaks and nosy little sec 1 brats. The cheeky smiles on their faces when they ask really out-of-point questions...

"Cher, you like miss *** anot?"

"Cher you how old?"

"Cher can give me a lift a not?"

Somehow, when you look back, these little monsters seem saintly.

I could still recount the first days when I had just entered the school. Felt really dumb. Couldn't find classrooms, don't know how to use the photocopy machine. Hah.

I remember once being reprimanded for letting the whole class go for a toilet break. They took up more than half a period. Bad mistake.

Well, some students I'll never forget; some I just can't wait to. Joking. It is always great to work with these people. Somehow, they bring a satisfaction you can't find anywhere else. The joy of impartation. As I look back, I wished I had done more. That always happens in retrospect. Well, too bad.

So thank you all who have made my day; for better or for worst.

Most of all, I hope that with my prayers and little effort, the bowl of salvation will be tipped upon Bedok Green. So, Gerald Tan, please go in and reap the harvest. Hah.

Last but not least, the company of friends I made has been great! You three are the craziest bunch of people I've known!

So that's it. One look and it's all gone behind. Memories. These are really good ones to keep though.

So untimely. Death's sickle swings and life no longer breathes through a person.

My friend's classmate's Dad just passed away. So I read, from his blog.

In a twinkling of an eye, a once-cheerful figure of the household has now become a distant memory.

Sometimes, death causes fear. None of us have tasted it, albeit many with close encounters. Many are fearful of the unknown.

It does also cause contemplation and introspect. It makes us wonder, why God chooses to let live and send some into eternity. Well, this I do not know. I wasn't there when the dimensions of the earth were measured.

One thing I do know, is that death makes me think about my life. It makes me ponder over the activities I go placed in my schedule. It makes me wonder what there is in life that is actually worth all my effort.

I was talking to another teacher and he asked me,' So do you really want to do accountancy in NTU? Come and teach."

To make the long story short, it was a choice he would never regret.

It got me thinking, at least a little, of my future.

I really wonder what lies ahead. The next 3years in NTU are for sure, but what lies ahead?

I would really never know. But one thing's for sure, "the man that does the will of God lives forever."

Help me trust You Lord. Because you hold eternity, who better than you to make plans for me?

In the face of death, I think much of those who have not known Christ. It makes people think of their life in eternity.

So dear friend whose classmate's parent has passed away, do take this chance to share the gospel. An untimely event placed in the will of God makes for a perfect slot on heaven's timetable.

It's nice to wake up at 930am, knowing you don't have to leave house in shirt and pants.

Well, today was a off-day for Bedok Green in lieu of polling day.

Caught a late movie last night with the guys.

Ate at Suki in the afternoon.

So happening!!

Well, it's been a good day of rest. Thought I'd blog before I head off for Vocal class.

Nothing new's happening recently.

Was doing my devotion this morning on Psalms 25.

v1 says," To Thee, O Lord,I lift up my soul."

Went to Daryl's house and catan a game. We met for lunch earlier.

In Charles Spurgeon's Treasury of the Psalms (If I am not wrong), he made a really good point about lifting up my soul. That belongs to Daryl, so I could read it only at his place.

As I read Psa 25 in the morning, I really wondered what it was like to lift up my soul.

Spurgeon said something like this:

It's like coming to God with all your sins and baggages. And then you start lifting them off. slowly, you get lighter and before you know it, you are soaring like an eagle.

Wow, it was really quite cool. No wonder my leaders always asked me to read more books. It does give insight into the Word of God. It helps us to see things from a different light. It helps you put into words the knowledge you have.

So young ones reading this and aspiring to teach the word of God, read more books! haha.

Da Vinci Code Premeire

I went to watch Da Vinci Code with my family on Thursday. It was lousy. Perhaps because I read the book and went through GCE. Half the time I was predicting what happened; the other half was spent rebutting all the doctrinal disputes. Hah. For entertainment, I give it 1 out of 5 stars.

Other than that, I had a sideshow going on beside me. Dad was being his usual foggy self in the cinema. He was rambling about some things and it was really loud. Quite embarassing. If that wasn't bad enough, midway through the show, he belched.

"Buuuuurrrrb!" followed by a sigh of relief. I wanted to zap myself and turn invisible. Oh man.
The worst thing was that it smelled real bad.

It's true, what magazines say, by 50, it's amazing that old men would actually bother about personal etiquette. Well, I tried to look at him amidst the darkness, but all he did was foxed his eyes on the screen. Oblivious.

Well, at least he combs his hair.

I really can't remember.

Well, I wanted to blog since evening 5pm, but I haven't got down to it yet.

Went for dinnner with Dad, and thought we'd go back after eating; we sat down and he drank teh tarik.

Well, the past few days have been an emotional rollercoaster. I don't know why, spiritual attack maybe. I would feel dull all of a sudden and my thoughts would turn negative.

"You're not good enough..."

"You ain't fit to be a leader..."

Well, such thoughts kept popping up. I just knew they were wrong. It didn't spur me to love God, it just immobilised me.

Thank God for His grace and love, when I spent time with Him, I felt so much better.

Hmm, don't know why these few days events that would poke me keep coming my way.

Well, doesn't matter, because God's got the day!

Today one of my students really gave me a black face. He was upset over his paper. It affected me because I got kinda upset and angry with his reaction. He didnt' show much respect and his attitude was rude. But I've gotten over it.


Looks like a gloomy entry, but it really isn't.

It's not just a feeling, but I know that He is real.

All these have proven one thing: Living in His presence and promise can enable victorious living.
I don't feel as downcast as I'd felt last time.

One last thing, bit the inside of my cheek when I was eating ice-cream. I claimed healing, and it's healing faster than usual. Praise God!

Well, from FF Bosworth, the process of trust and faith is more important than the perceivable healing. Lord, help me grow my faith!

Tell your story

Many of us hear anecdotes of God working in people's lives. We clap. We appluad. We feel happy and we thank God for the work He's doing.

We go up to the person and tell him, ' Well done man!' and we give him a pat on the shoulder.

We hear of healings taking place in our friends' lives; when they pray for others.

We hear of prayer meetings among others that are full of passion and zeal.

We hear of people sharing the gospel fearlessly in schools.

We read of great man and women of God from time past and we go, "Wow!" We examine their lives and we tell ourselves, these people sure were man and women after the heart of our Saviour. We feel proud. We marvel at how God used them.

We always hear stories... when will it be our turn to tell OURS? Will a time come when I would be the one preparing my testimony? Will I be the one praying in faith? Will I be the one sharing the gospel? When will I read my OWN story.

So many a times, I fall short of doing it. Being on the ground and putting my hand to the plough.

"It's great work you're doing there," I shout from the side. "By hey, don't involve me, I ain't wanna get my hands rough."

Standing at the threshold of Revival, and yet I stumble. Wading in the river and yet, never jumping in.

When will it be my turn? When can I tell others I prayed in faith? Shared in boldness?

The disciples were in the boat. They saw the miracle. They saw Peter walk on water. But only Peter experience it. Only Peter knew how it felt like to step on water and not sink. Only Peter.

A story would always be a story till it becomes yours.

I pray I'd write my story, share my testimony and do the very work that God has called me to.

Only the great Author can pen the tales of our lives. Will I be willing? Will I have the faith?

Lord, make me strong.
Because I am of little strength.
My feeble arms cannot carry Your word.
Please help me Lord, because there is no other joy than pleasing Your heart.

Encouraged and Inspired!

Wow, it's amazing, the things that are happening these days among the younger ones. Was just talking to Leslie in the car. Amazing things are happening!

For the record, I am very very encouraged by you guys and girls. Your desire for God really encourages and inspires me!

At the rate you're rising up, you can take over the lifegroups. Hah.

Well, it does make me ponder and look at my life. I really want to be the best I can for God also!

At such a thunderous pace, my prayer is for all of us to move on together. It's exciting when one presses in to His presence; imagine an entire youth group!! Imagine the impact we'd make for Jesus.

Lord, help me be a participant of this great adventure!

Saddle up your horses we've got a trail to blaze

Through the wild blue yonder of God's amazing grace

Let's follow our leader into the glorious unknown

This is a life like no other - this is The Great Adventure

Steven Curtis Chapman- "The Great Adventure"

"Uncle, Xiao Mai Cao"

Well, nothing much to write; just thought it'd be good to update my blog once in a while.

Today isn't just one of those contemplative days where you introspect and find many things to talk about. All I feel now is lethargy; perhaps due to the lack of sleep.

Anyway, we went cycling on thursday night. Met up in PP. Daryl and I got caught in the rain at Paya Lebar.

We received a message from Douglas. It read:

The rain will stop soon.

Well, we looked at each other and decided to cycle, regardless, in ten mins time. And we did.

Lo and behold, we were soaked through our skins and our 'jeremies'.

When we reached PP, the rain stopped and poor old us were cold and clammy.

We saw the rest of them as they arrived, dry, comfortable, in high spirits, ready to set off. And here we were, hanging our socks to dry, airing out feet. Hah. It was really funny to me.

So we set off for Malaysian ground and then we made our way to Kent Ridge, near NUS. I drove Doug's pickup most of the time. Only stalled once. Hooray. Kinda forgot about the clutch. Whenever I stopped, I occasionally forgot the need to clutch in. Hah.

Then we made our way down to Marina Bay to play Daytona. Here check it out.

After that it was home sweet home. Man, I had LG outing the next day at 12. It was game-over.
Well, I survived it though. We went JQ's place for a nice lunch and a chill time of hanging out.

Went out dinner after outing with Mum, Gran and Bro.

Mum wanted to order drink for my brother. A man holding a bucket of ice passed us and she shouted to him

" Uncle, Xiao Mai Cao."

He ignored us completely, and went to his seat. Oh man, embarassment was thick in the air, and all over my mum's face.

Poor old man, could not get over the insult. He kept on staring amd commenting. Hah. What a sight!

So yup, that was the past two days for me. It's been a neat week. I have decided to schedule my time each day so that I would not leave time for myself to slack. A natural tendency to just sleep in the afternoon is one that I want to eliminate.

Out.

PAP or WP?

Well, in lieu of polling day tomorrow, I will give my two cents' worth on politics.

I laughed, when I heard the news this morning on 93.8fm. It was pretty humourous. PAP candidates were commenting on opposition rallies. Said something like,' A lot of people attend the oppositons' rallies. You cheer them on. This is their only chance to scold the government. YOu cheer them on! But at the end of the day, remember, vote PAP!'

So funny!

Anyway, I would vote for opposition for only one reason - to keep the PAP humble.

I'm pretty pro-PAP. Well, the reason's simple : Imagine Low thiow Khiang as PM. SO uneloquent. Just imagine any Oppostion Candidate sitting on the MAS board. Oh man. I think we can start retrieving our granddad's fishing rods and start purchasing sampans.

A little exaggerated, but I can never picture an opposition candidate up as one of our ministers. Well, the truth is, PAP has done a pretty good job albeit all the shortcomings. Comparing what they have done and what they have not, I think the former stands out more. SO based on that, I will give my vote for PAP.

Then again, I'm under Chan Soo Sen, whom I have never seen before. Hmmm, looks like he's letting his grassroot leaders do all the work..

Ha.

Car Servicing

I just went down to Komoco Motors at Ubi, beside Comfort driving centre.

The servicing plus repair costs up to 1k! Oh man! So pricey! I really regret making that rash exit from Balestier Primary.

Anyway, Sunday night, we went cycling. A few of the older ones. It sure was cool! I clocked 3:08:22 and cycled about 60km! My first time cycling so long!

I would never forget the Changi Coastal Route we took. We circled the peripheral of Changi Airport!! It felt never-ending. Haha.

Another major event to note : I am marking mid-year scripts totalling 350. As of now, I am left with 120 scripts! Hooray!

Well, yesterday night, as I was going home, I was reminded of myself.

I wondered how my leaders used to view me. Slacking away in JC, putting on a mask. Telling my leaders I'm ok when I'm actually not. I bet they knew everything, just that they didn't force it down my throat. Wonder what kind of conversations they had with other leaders,

"Aiyah, don't know what's wrong with him! See la! Get into a relationship! Nevermind, his choice! Can't force him..just let him burn his fingers..."

or maybe

"Dunno man, felt so burdened for him..don't know what he's doing..."

It felt all too familiar last night as Daryl and I chatted a little on the journey home. I wonder what my leaders thought of me.

Is it how I feel right now about my lifegroup? Hah. Probably.

One thing's for sure, they never stopped believing in me and praying for me. That's why I am what I am today.

I will pray for you younger ones! Because we believe in you. We believe God has mightier plans for you.

Regret

Yesterday, God spoke to me about living a life of no regrets.

I have done so many things I regret. I regret slacking in Secondary School. I regret wasting time not seeking the Lord. I regret loving the things of the world more than God.

I look at my life and I think to myself, what if I had spend all the time I wasted just seeking God a bit more?

What if I had done more bible study for just 15mins a day more? What if I had perservered a bit more? Questions that have no end, nor answer.

I look back sometimes at my secondary life and JC life and I ask myself - how much closer have I grown to God? Honestly, I feel real shallow. Sometimes my leaders tell me I have grown. I agree - growth in areas people see. What about my prayer closet? What about my daily devotion?

Those areas are unseen by the eyes of Man but transparent and clear in from God's view.

Live a life of no regret.

I look at my friends, people of my age. I see the passion. I see the quiet ocnfidence and trust. I see prayer giants in them. I ask myself - what are you spending your time on? What kind of devotion do you offer the Lord?

Today I read Acts 10 - v4 says,"...Your prayers and gifts to the poor have come up as a memorial offering before God"

I really want my prayers to be a memorial Lord! But my heart is so harden! I want to stand before Jesus and before us stands a pillar of prayer!

May my life always reflect His beauty and love!

Don't regret. Don't live in regret. Don't look back and say I could have done this or that. Don't wait till 5yrs later, when all your friends are moving on with the Lord and then you start thinking about your life!

"Man who build kingdoms and man who build thrones, heaven does not know their name" - Jason Upton

Yet, we can't discount God's timing and sovereignty in our lives. Everything is made perfect in His plans. So I am comforted. Henceforth, I will try to live a life and make decisions I won't regret.

My dad always told me, ' Whatever I do, make sure I don't regret doing it.' SImple, yet so true.

Lord, help me. Because I can never do it.

Unappreciated

I feel unappreciated.

A combination of two events occurred today.

1. My English class took remedial from one of my colleagues. Now, that's fine. But when they heard I was helping her, one student sneered and said," Huh? Don't want la." Whoa, that tipped the scales.

2. The briefing for the exam schedule took place after school. It dawned upon me again : Relief teachers are the outcastes of the teaching world. My friend was given an absolutely apathetic remark when she brought up her query.

Back to event no. 1. It sure doesn't feel good. I admit, I don't exactly know how to teach them. Their class is pretty hard to handle. I feel like I'm talking to myself most of the time! I know this shouldn't affect me in such measure, but it did. Sure ain't feeling good. Then again, in retrospect, I must say I don't think I am as dedicated to them as my colleague helping them. Maybe that distinguishes her from me.

Like I said, na de qi, fang de xia: Can take up, also can put down. (translated literally.)

Shan't dwell too much on that.

Wondered how Jesus felt when nobody appreciated His efforts. Wonder how it feels to bear the burden of sin with the feeling of His disciples abandoning Him. Must have felt worse than how I feel now.

Lord, may I never let You down. Help me to always remember You and not take You lightly!

Anyway, today, I didn't get the chance to evangelise. Ate lunch with my colleagues and thought I had to rush up to help. In the end, I spent the remainder of the day typing out stuff for Sound ministry.

Just got home. Exhausted.

The mystery of the missing Birks!!

Lightning screeched across the skyline...

An eerie mist haunted Telok Kurau Lor K that very night...

I received a call from one of my brothers. It seemed pretty urgent. I was torn in between savouring my black pepper crab and the need to rush. I chose the latter. Carrying my backpack, I left the house and said my goodbyes to the figure at the computer whom I call my "brother".

Nature did not favour me, I was left to battle the elements. She left me with no choice - I had to drive.

There hung a ominous presence as I walked toward the lift. Something was missing. I could not put my finger to it. I just knew. Something wasn't right.

My eyes shifted to the top of my shoe cupboard. It was gone.

Don't panic, I told myself, Dad must have put into the cupboard. I was optimistic, too optimistic. I swung the door open, not a glimpse of the black sandal strap. Urgency beckoned me and I left the house.

The next morning, I woke up. I was performing my ablutions and taking things slow on a sunny Saturday morning when it struck me. My birks were still missing. Questions ran to and fro in my mind. Could someone had stolen it? Was it Peggie, my neighbour? Was it the cleaner, Ganee? Why would someone want such a 'Lao Ah Peh' looking sandals? I couldn't let it go. I had to solve the mystery.

Deciding to give it another go, I searched the lift landing where I placed all my shoes. Alas, it was nowhere to be found.

I had to seek for assistance, I needed some clues. I called Pops. I had an excuse; the bucket we used for washing car was missing. I needed intel fast.

"Dad, when was the last time you saw the sandals?" I asked as calmly as I could manage.

"I didn't see it. Where did you place it?" He mused.

"On top of the newspaper, that was quite some time ago. WEdnesday?" The answer was near. I could feel it coming.

"Aiyah! Ganee must have took it la! Anything on top of the pile of papers he will clear. Quick quick, go find him..."

That was all I needed to know. I hung up, and went downstairs to look for it.

Ganee was sitting there. He was resting. I approached him.

"Hey.. Did you see the sandals on top of the newspaper?" I asked.

"Oh...that one ah..aiyah, I cleared it. Lucky you come find me. Come, come, come," Ganee signalled me to walk over.

We walked towards a shed where he kept all his cleaning equipment. There we stood peering into a small basket, presumably containing discarded items he considered valuable. From a pile of stuff, he pulled out my sandals.

The mystery was solved. My sandals recovered. Phew! And I thought I had to order another pair with the girls from church...

An excerpt.

Yet another Tuesday.

I tend to approach each morning with some disdain. Sometimes, the mechanical duties of a teacher bore me.

Hai, I haven't called any of my kids this week yet. Sometimes I wonder what the rest of the LG leaders do during the week. I wonder how much time they aportion for their LG.

Anyway, the relief teachers (that's me, jasmine and three other girls) went out for lunch and dessert. It was Jasmine's last day at Bedok Green, so we gave here a farewell lunch. We went TM and ate at Pastamania. Oh man, ordered Country Baked Pasta and it tasted horrible. not really palatable. The pasta was dry and hard, and the sauce was too milky for my liking.

We went to Gelare for dessert after that. Took some photos. So here's one of it!
Check out the waffles (WAH-fles) ! Yummy.

Anyway, kudos to all relief teachers! You guys and gals suffer a heavy workload with less pay, no medical leave benefits and all the hideous crap from students! It is truly altruistic of you people!! Some of them (above in pic) actually do more work than a normal teacher! Thank God, I am spared with a pretty light schedule.

So it's true.

If God doesn't call you to teach, or you think you don't have the stamina, PLEASE , don't teach.

It can kill.

I am reading EM Bound now. If you want to learn about prayer, read his books!! Excellent! I really want to grow in praying. It's something that has captured me since we started praying for our friends!! That's about it.

So Now What?

Wow, two days gone by so quickly.

It was just last Saturday, that God placed within us the burden for our friends.

And, now, it's over.

My friends didn't come. They weren't able to make it.

One question is pertinent: What now? What now that our friends didn't come? What am I gonna do?

I don't know. I pray that what has happened remains. I pray that it would be a lifestyle change for me. I pray.

It must carry on. My friends and family are still on Hell's waiting list. I must persist.

May my fire remain strong.

Just wrote a song about pray. Still in the process of it though.

Well, thank God for salvations today! Yeah!

Still wonder how it's like to have your own friend accept Jesus. It's alien to me.

Sad to say, I have never brought a friend to Christ. Lord, when? When will my friends be saved?Am I desperate enough? Am I praying enough? Did I live a life that reflected Your glory? Questions I always asked myself.

Well, not much use wallowing in my past. It would be better for me to see what I can do now.

What I can do is pray, and invite. And that is just what I'll do. So help me God.

What's it all about Lord?

What's happening Lord? Where's the breakthrough?

I seem to be the only one who doesn't feel a thing!!

What's more, my friends can't make it!

Lord, is it me? Am I not desperate enough? Am I not praying enough?

Argh Lord! What's wrong?

Today, I couldn't take it. I was too sleepy. Wanted to pray at 4pm but ended up going to sleep. Argh. Struggled. In the end, prayed at 630pm.

I was very discouraged. Because my friends weren't responding! I asked myself many many questions. I felt lousy. I felt incompetent.

But then it dawned upon me. I was sucking myself into self-pity. Didn't want that to happen. So I stopped and gave thought to what was happening.

Maybe God was challenging me to something more. I remember Him asking on Sunday,"How long will your fire last?" And today He asked me," How long are you willing to pray for? This week only?"

I don't want it to end this week. I really want to continue praying for them. I really want to see my family and friends experience His love. I really want to.

God keep stirring me, because my passion and faith are low. I want to keep praying till I see Your promises fulfilled.

Lord, SPARE YOUR PEOPLE! We want to stand in the gap. We will pray on our knees.

Have You Caught It Yet?

The past weeks have been exhilarating. The visitation of God upon Rgen has been no less than awesome!

I have learnt more about prayer this week; and that's because I begin to pray more. Hah!

Yup, I have learnt the value of prayer. Really. I always thought some people just had a knack for prayer, and I wasn't one of those. I always thought that I 'specialised' in worship. So Quiet time was 30% prayer and 70% worship. Well, this few weeks, I have seen the power of prayer. When I begin praying, God begins to place in me desires to pray and that has been so so cool!

It draws me to God. And I long for that drawing.

The past week has been a tough journey. Juggling with thoughts about myself, my LG. I wondered, how come I still can't pray with that desperation? Why can't I just travail for the souls of others? I questioned myself regularly whethered I was being a spiritual model of prayer for the younger ones. So afraid that my lack of hunger would be a stumbling block to my LG.

I really asked myself al these and up till now, I'm still looking for the answers.

I have arrived at one conclusion: to pray until my heart is broken and I can pray His heart.

I'd just know it! I'd know when I've prayed the prayers of the Father.

I really want to cry out for my generation! The hardness in my heart has taught me one thing: Revival Prayers are God-given. I really cannot churn out such a deep cry. It is really by God's grace and timing.

So have you caught it? Have you started going on your knees?

When have you wept for your generation? If not, start with your heart. God looks for a place to drop His prayer. Will you allow Him to?

Aye, posting has become so irregular these days.

These past few days, I have been trying to cut down on computer usage, and spend more time with the Lord.

MY daily schedule is as follows:

School till 2pm
Home and rest till 3pm
Sleep till 430pm
Quiet time till 6pm
REading till 7pm
Dinner till 9pm
COmputer till 10plus
Bed 11pm

My colleagues in school say I lead a boring life. Well, I beg to differ! The times I get to spend with God are getting more and more exciting! It just doesn't get better.

It's funny. When I start doing my QT, sometimes, I feel kinda like, 'Oh man, it's routine again...' Yet, when I enter into His presence, He feels near and things start to happen. I hear from Him, I begin praying as He leads. It's really real! I love it!

Anyway, I was talking to my kids and I really wonder if some of them have caught what GOd has been doing in our midst. I really worry. I look at them and I really want to tell them to just abandon it all and follow Jesus!

Alas, life and its attractiveness seeks to pull our attention away from Him. If only they could see the emptiness and vagueness of living a life apart form God.

1 Cor 13:7 "(Love) bears all things, believes all things,hopes all things, endures all things."

Spoke to Gerald while we were running at ECP. He mentioned about looking at the destiny in our youth and not just what they are now. I so agree with him.

I believe. I believe in the destiny God has for all of them. Looking with my eyes of faith.

Tomorrow is the last day of the week. Yes! Finally!

Anyway, sorry for the untidiness of my thought patterns.

I just went out with the Deltas. FYI, that's what we're called when we were in BB (7th Coy). 5 of us, the remnant of the initial 14, met up at Plaza Singh for dinner and a movie. It was a good time of talking and just getting to know how each other have been.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to Youth Service this Saturday. There is power when we gather to PRAY!

Today and Yesterday

Today God spoke to me about sharing with my brother. So I did.

I've always struggled with God on this kind of issues. Especially when I feel the need to go talk to someone about God. It's always with strangers that I get really scared. Oh man. I want to overcome the area, yet i am so scared!

So I thought sharing with my brother in obedience would be the first step. Yup. Felt I just had to share!

Not much of a response though. Maybe I wasn't succint. Anyway, I'm pretty glad I did it.

This week is a week of DESPERATE prayer! I want to level up praying..haha.

Ok let's talk about Today.

Today, I left house on time and managed a pretty relaxed schedule at school.

Today I left house with NO money and I had to go home and cook myself a pack of noodles.

So lame. Haha, tried to survice on a pack of biscuits from the pantry in the staff room.

Let's move backwards to what happened yesterday.

We went Brighton Youth cuz Ps Ben was preaching, and boy, the energy level was sky high! The youth, albeit small 40-60pax, were screaming their lungs out for Jesus during praise! Wow. They went crazy for the Lord! It was a good experience. Argh! Contine writing another time...

'Thanks'

'Cher! Cher! Thanks for helping just now!' - Those were the words of a student from 4-3 that will remain vivid in my memories always.

I would never forget the look of sincere gratitude on his face as he hurriedly said his piece and rushed up the stairs. As I walked past him, the feeling of satisfaction and appreciation was overwhelming.

I finally understand the immaterial gains of teaching. I had only a brief 1hour with him. Relieved 4-3 for A maths. He asked a few questions, and I answered. Thank God I still knew my Add maths. Lol. Well, nothing much I thought. The feeling of being able to help was great, especially since maths was my forte. Didn't expect anything at that moment though. It wasn't till later that I met him after recess.

Well, don't actually know his name. Oops.

Anyway, amidst all the raw and brutal comments from students and teachers alike (Yes, a teacher actually told me I wasn't strict enough. In her words,"I think you better not teach anymore, you can't control the class"), the satisfaction of being able to teach is indescribable. Can't explain how I feel exactly, but this brief encounter has left its indelible mark on me.

If God ever calls me to teach in the future, this would be one incident that would always encourage me to press on!

Happy Birthday to Mummy!

Hey Mum! Happy 50th birthday!!

Wow! My mum's half a century old!

I came back from running at ECP and I thought I'd surprise her with a nice cake.

So I waited for the car; too lazy to take bus down to buy. My bro and mum came back. Thankfully, she asked me to buy coupons for the car. A good chance to sneak out! Anyway, I had it all planned out. I was suppose to eat 'dinner' after running. Hah.

So I drove out. It was pretty frustrating trying to find a carpark but I did! By the way, I went to Cheesecake Cafe along Upper East Coast Road. Their cakes are...more about them later.

So I brought it home, hoping I could get my brother to help my along with the act.

Left the cake outside to survey the surroundings. All clear. Tapped my brother on the shoulder. No response. Thinking that my mum was playing the computer or bathing, I brought the cake in. Guess what - she popped up. Man. What a waste! Anyway, she was really happy and that's all that matters!

Well, now to the cake. I got a blueberry cheesecake, pretty small for about 48 dough. The texture of the cheese is so so yummy. So creamy! The taste is just nice, not too cheesey or milky. The cookie base goes well with the cheese cream. And the BLUEBERRY is mouthwatering. The fruits on top give it a nice tangy taste. Oh man 10/10!

On a more serious note, this month got evangelistic meeting. Praying hard my family would be able to make it! Will keep praying!

Will try to take photos of the cake. Camera no battery. ...

Out.

Zippidee!

Well, not much on these days I guess.

It's been pretty ok in school because the sec3s are away at camp! Hah. A short break for me.

Anyway, yesterday some of us played badminton. It was really stressful cuz we were playing beside some people training. YES, they were training at the CC. They way they hit the shutters make us feel like primary school kids picking up a new sport. The sound of their top-notch racquets slicing and smashing the shutters were making us shudder.

Well, I left early to meet up woth Daryl and Gerald for dinner at NYDC. Yummy.

This week, I hope to get deeper in prayer and worship. Yesterday, I was unsuccessful. Bad time management. Felt a little 'sian' also. Tried to overcome, but only managed an 'ok' quiet time. Hmm, that ain't ok at all. Hah.

Today, with time as a luxury, I would really like to get into His presence and soak. Yup, just soak in His glory.

Was listening to Kent Henry in the staff room and reading my book. Wow, I just had to close my eyes and say a short prayer of worship to Jesus.

Not much work so far, and I thank God for it!

It's been a while since I last blog..let's see where we left of...

I went to Bedok Green to teach. Started teaching last Tuesday. The journey has began!

Well, after reading the papers yesterday on teachers blogging, I think I'd better be careful with my words.

Anyway, it has been an ENRICHING experience. Hmm. Well, let's just say I've never felt so tired in the past 3months. Haha. Well, teaching really isn't easy. I've been cracking my brain trying to figure out ways to help the kiddos study better.

I have a masterplan in mind and I do hope to fulfil it...Muahaha.

Well, this weekend, Ps Ben preached on praying for our schools. Honestly, having felt that desperation for a long time. Well, no worries. Just like I told my LG on sat, it's time I unlock my prayer closet and start interceding!

Do hope something will happen in Bedok Green. Don't know what God wants to do, but I'll try my best!

Argh. Just woke up. Re-reading my entry. Oh well. Good enough for re-entry to the electronic realm.

Out.

My Tribute

Oh man, the blogger thing is down. It's really frustrating.

Anyway, today was just so awesome!

Today I pay my tribute to the youth. Especially my LG and the people I prayed for. You guys made my day.

Well, it always seems that the people getting ministered too are the ones who get touched. Not true! I received such a blessing today!

I can't really describe how it feels. But it sure feels great to be part of what God wants to do in the lives of all our young people. When I knelt beside a brother, I just felt so blessed and privilege to know what God wants to tell him. It's just so awesome to be used by the Lord!

Of course, the physical sign of tears made the experience more tangible. But nonetheless, if you do the will of God for that day, that's all that is required. It's really awesome! I am so so blessed to be where I am! Thanks to the grace of God, I stand where I am. No credit for 'hitting the spot' today goes to me. I am just glad God counted me worthy!

So yes, thank you all who have made my day. You people are the reason we pray and continue to nurture! Yes YOU! So don't give up the race because we DO care and we labour alongside you as well!!

Youth Ministry - A ministry where I will continue polishing, till I see the DIAMOND in the people I love.So press on my friends, brothers and pals. Because we all long to see you grow up and take the mantle and destiny God has for YOU!

Joshua

My great man Joshua! You blessed chap! God really has been your strength!

As I read through the book of Joshua, it's amazing how when Joshua prayed and asked the Lord to hold the sun and moon and God did.

'God is God and I am not' - says Steven Curtis Chapman in one of His songs. Indeed God is God and He is a god who cares! I am just touched that God does listen to our requests. Just like Josh, I'm sure some of us have experienced it. Take the LG outing, it sure was a nice and sunny day! Thank God for no rain! It's so amazing that God cares greatly for us on such a personal level!

Second thought - Remembering the Lord

Throughout the lives of Israel, they have been told constantly to remember God! By attaching strings to their garments, by reading the Law at specific times; many other instances! Well, the one that caught my attention was the crossing of the Jordan. After crossing, they placed 12 stones as remembrance of what God had done for them - parting the great Jordan! (See Joshua 4.)

Well, as I look back in my life, I build my twelve stones for my Army experience. It sure was one of ups and downs. The 1st 7months weren't exactly fun or cheery. It was pretty gloomy and my heart melted down with despair. But God remembered me even when I was faithless. I remember one Sunday night, I felt as demoralized as every other Sunday night book-in. That night, I brought home a cd on which we recorded our youth's songs. I was listening to Alvin Chen's "No Matter What" and at that moment I really felt God telling me to hold on.

Whenever I sing that song, it brought back memories of the inner strength and assurance that Jesus was with me. It was so so real. Indescribable.

And so I build my twelve stones before Him, that I would never forget His goodness and mercy!

"Excerpts from No matter what"

You are my God
The one I love
You saw through me
You met my needs

When I was lost
You came to me
You pick me up, into Your arms
And set me free

And I love You no matter what my heart has ever gone through
All the pain and shame I give to You
And I love You no matter what my heart will ever go through
I'll always love and trust my faithful God

Yesterday.

Yesterday we had lots of fun at Marina Bay!! It was a ball of a time!

Anyway, we went there so early that it felt a little awkward to have only four of us present on such a vast piece of land. (Stanley, Wen Qiang, Ken and I went to recce first.)

The lifegroup camp shortly afterwards and we had lots of fun playing games and flying kites. Ate dinner at the bbq steamboat buffet and Stanley and Co. had a crispy good time frying prawns in butter. FYI, the oil looked a little like coke after some time…

Well the highlight of the day for me was kite-flying. Had a really tough time getting the kite up in the air. Spencer and I were blaming the kite for its poor make and lousy aerodynamics. Well it wasn’t long before we discovered that we actually didn’t let the tail down properly. Lame. Anyway we tried soon after and managed to get it up to about 2-3storeys. That was it. Kaput. Kabish. It had this weird corkscrew flight pattern that drove us insane because it was really hard to tug the string attached. We gave up not too long after that.

After sitting down for a little while and quenching our thirst with refreshing chilled 100plus, Hao Feng came to me and said,”Jem, borrow your kite, maybe I can fly it.” And so I did. In a twinkling of an eye, the kite was gone!

“Where is it?” I exclaimed. Wondering how in the world did he manage to bring it to such a whopping height.

“Er, I…I…don’t know! I can’t see it anymore…” Hao Feng shouted back across the field.

What is this?? It’s so unfair!!!! I am so frustrated. Maybe kites aren’t my cup of Oolong.

Well let’s not rake up unhappy memories anymore. Rest assured, I WILL return to Marina Bay once more to conquer the southern skies!

As I took the bus back home, I caught a few minutes of “A light date” on channel 5. I was pretty disgusted with the suggestive language the guys and ladies were conversing with. Don’t want to go into detail, too explicit and not really nice to mention as well. Oh man, it really shows how degrading television is getting, especially channel 5. What happen to wholesome shows like Phua Chu Kang and Under One Roof. Shows like Eye for a Guy are popping up and it’s really making television unwatchable. It was distasteful on my already charred tongue. Argh. I just could not take blatant flirting with dirty talk on TV. What values are we imparting to our kids? It’s prime time they’re airing the show at. I mean, would you like primary 4 girl going around asking others whether they think she’s sexy? Oh man. The future looks bleak for the younger ones. Channel 5 and his motley crew are out to pollute their innocent minds.

Maybe I’m taking this a little too far, but my concerns are genuine. I only wish they’d show a little more Spongebob.    

WAR!

The quiet place has been infiltrated! What was once a quiet serene abode has now been defiled by one of its own: My Brother. AS you can see, the photo of him has been taken off the previous entry.



This is WAR! Worry not my friends, it is my duty to do my utmost best in exposing that vile and treacherous sibling. I will not rest at any cost.



If you are reading this brother, you will know that 21 years of life have made me a more scheming,evil and diabolical being than what you are. Test the water and you will lose your limb.



Do not tread on dangerous ground young man..

John Of God?

I happened to watch tv and flipped to Discovery channel. The show talked about this spiritual healer called ‘John of God.’ It really caught my attention because I realize so many people look to a supernatural source of healing for their ailments –physical and emotional.

It jus struck me so hard. Jesus promised healing. God is known by Jehovah Rapha. Why are people still seeking spiritual healers and finding hope there instead of the church?
Where is the evidence of God’s power?

I shudder at the thought. What have I been doing? What have I been thinking about? What’s with all the irrelevant and non-consequential trivial events we participate in life? Why am I not focusing on spiritual things and having the kingdom mentality?

I struggle. I struggle because I am unable to bring the full potential that God has placed in me to it’s maximum capabilities. I struggle because at times, certain things seem more pleasurable and don’t require much effort. I am a comfort creature after all. Yet if you ask me whether I believe God can heal, yes He can. But Lord, don’t use me.

Frankly, I can’t and still feel unyielded and faithless in this aspect.

It’s pretty scary to blog this because a great burden rests upon me and our generation. If only we could tap into the Almighty Source, our healer, and bring restoration to many! Imagine! I can only imagine!

If only. Yet these words remain electronic if nothing is done. Maybe this week, I should try.

Out.

Inspiration

Inspiration. That’s what struck my heart today. After a short ‘speech’ by Ps Ben at the meeting, I really felt inspired to inspire. The bulletin’s cover read something like:  Inspire faith and not fear. Wow.

I don’t really know what to type. Just feel so determined to lead my guys to the next level.

Honestly, I wonder why it’s so hard for some of them to be on time. (Hey dudes, don’t get offended k…) Haha. And I wonder why some of them it really hard to do some other stuff as well.

Sidetrack: I look back at my own life and sometimes, I smile to myself. I smile because I used to be somewhat like that also! Oh man!

Anyway, let’s focus. Before my LG gets slightly aggressive and defensive, don’t worry, just read on yeah? So as I was saying, I really can’t understand. I ask myself, must I be harder on them? Am I too laxed? Or am I driving them to hard?

In retrospection, I don’t think I ever really scolded anyone (Have I?), and I did feel I told them quite a few times already, almost a nag at times. Felt quite dismayed and feeling ‘sighy’ as I thought to myself.

Inspiration. “Inspire them! You remember the leaders you all had? One thing they did was IMPART to you the values you hold! You must learn to inspire them!” Some of the words I caught Ps Ben saying.  At that moment, something just connected within me. I felt that that was the key- the key to unlocking potential. That was the key to unleashing the raw energy that God placed in each and every one of our youth. Wow.

Suddenly, I felt I had the POWER. The power to change lives was in my hands. If only I could find a way to get through to them  and stick them to God’s powerhouse. Oh man, what immeasurable things God can do!

So this is it. Inspire faith Jem, inspire faith.

My brother, the worm.

This is my brother's photo..for those of you who don't know who he is or have been asking me about him..lolx

Anyway, going to relief teach at bedok green sec! Cool!

Collecting my PINK IC soon..

Short entry.

Out.

1 more day to ORD!

Today was the last time I stepped into my bunk. It was an emotional good-bye for me. The guys had duty today, so they wil not be there when I collect my pink IC tomorrow.

As I left the bunk, it felt as if it was too good to be true. Finally it is over. Finally. I remember the time my Platoon Sargeant in BMT always said,'Don't worry, eventually, all will end. Eventually.'

Two years and two months. Slips by without us all knowing.

I looked at my pals, and felt such a bond among us. A feeling of comaraderie that can only be forged through Sai Kang, night ops, PW cages and Station duties. I felt as if they understood me, and they truly meant well when they smiled with brilliance and bidded me farewell and all the best.
Friendships in the army are precious. Ones that you treasure. More so because these people suffered with you, laughed with you, shared the pain and the heartache, rejoiced and celebrated when things went our way.

In retrospect, all is happy and ideal. Yet, some of it has been stain with ugly characters. Hah. Well, not really in the mood to talk about them, for now.

Carried my bag, walk down the all too familiar staircase. Walked pass the canteen and breathed in the fragrant fried chicken from the Malay store. Looked back and looked up. 4-16, the number on my bunk door, a bunk full of vivid memories.

Stepped out of the guard house and onto civilian ground. I took a deep breath. One more day to pink IC.

The soil on my shoe, my soil - civilian soil.

"Once I had my 11B, now I have my pink IC. Hey hey hey ya!"

DOwn with Mourinho!!

Yes!! Chelsea is defeated! Kudos to Barca and Ronaldinho for a superb game. Didn't watch it though. Good stuff guys!!

Can't help but blog this cuz if the indignation that's rising within me. I really can't stand Chelsea. No doubt they play good football. But their integrity is an all-time low. Dirty tricks,"mind games", unruly tantrics, what's happening to soccer? Thanks to Abramovich, it's all about the moeny eh? Mourinho with all his charisma still stinks with the stench of cheap underhand theatrics - pretty much like the famous coat that he hasn't washed for ages.

Can't help but remember soccer in the old days. Fandi,Cantona,Maradona, just a few I can recall. I ain't a big soccer fan, but it seems to me the Premier League isn't as captivating as it was. Sure, the skill and goals still deliver, but what happen to appluase for fairplay? Remember the times when one was injured and they kicked the ball out? What's with Drogba and his part-time acting?

I wonder what goes through the minds of those out to win at any cost. The conscience that sears has mellowed to no more than a whimpering animal. Why would people actually attempt to make career-breaking tackles with the full intention of doing so?

A parting quote that my rugby coach always exclaims in disdain for the game sums it all up - Soccer a gentleman's game played by barbarians.

Army dazed.

Ah haha! Gotcha! Alright people, if you haven't been to the army or if you don't have a chance to, here's a glimpse of everyday life.



Caution: This only applies to certain units in the SAF, particularly PRO**ST. The real name of the unit cannot be revealed for the purpose of anonymity. i went to camp at about 10am. The first sight to greet me was a bunch of people sleeping in oblivion to everything else that's happening. The whole world could crash and they'd still get grumpy if somebody woke them up.



See the red bag? that's my bed.



Haha...Here we see Andrew far far away beyond the galaxies of reality.. He's a goner.



As you can see, that's Listerine. It brings lots of memories because Yi Xi wrote this song called "Listerine".


Lyrics goes something like:



I know a guy name 'Andrew'

He had a camera phone

He has to hide it everytime he books in, he books in

I knew a guy name 'Jeremy'

He dives his dad's car to work

He likes to steal a swig of listerine, from my cupboard



Oh listerine, keeps your mouth fresh and clean

Oh listerine, will you be there for me

Listerine




Yup so there ya have it. Won't put the rest of the song down - there are 2 more verses - for copyright sake! Yi xI, this one's for you dude!!



Yeah, that's stanley- the tan brothers' childhood friend. He stays at Astoria Park also. he's the only one who stays awake cuz he doesn't wana grow FAT!! LOL!



My buddy from the course. He's a great buddy of mine! Rock on matey!

So there ya have it.. a glimpse into my past year in army. Sure gonna miss my bunk-mates. Army is one thing you love to cherish and relish but not an experience one would like to undertake all over again. So let's just leave it there - as memories we reminisce about!



Out.

3 more days to ORD!

I will be leaving house in approx 15mins. The wonders of being an ORD personnel – you don’t have to report for work on time!

Well, today would be my third last day as a conscript. ‘Welcome to the civilian world,’ they say. Well, I am more than glad to!

Nothing much going on recently. Last night, the tan bros, yeti* and I went to check out a bike that one of the tan bros wanted to purchase. She’s a beauty! Had pretty good components. Alas, G.tan didn’t feel good mounting it. What a loss! It was going for 500. Quite a good bargain. We were suppose to go eat dinner in town when G. Tan called us and said he was at Yishun. Well, we made the arduous trip down (thank God I drove) and G.Tan bought us dinner!

Well, my indecisiveness over my Uni choice has once again surface. Was praying about it and thinking through when I felt that God wanted me to go NTU. For WHAT!?!? Argh! It really is a struggle to obey Him. It’s really mind-boggling. 101 reasons to go SMU! Yet, Big Boss says NTU. Are you sure God? Need a better confirmation than a feeling though. Argh! (Jerrold, if you’re reading this, you’d understand too!) So, well, I am gonna lay it off till I can really confirm the path that God wants me to take.

For now, it’s off for work. I brought along my camera from antiquity to take some photos also.

Out.

Nondescript

Well, it's tuesday!

I just burnt the roof of my mouth and my tongue. Bit into my pizza without even remembering that I just took it out of the oven. Lame. Anyway, it has been another wonderful and serene day in the life of me. I woke up at 935am thinking that it was still 7am. Never underestimate your body’ ability to fall into slumber.

Ah, the pizza isn’t too hot. Yummy!

Spoke to Hao Feng last night. So HaoFeng, if ya ever read my blog again, I am sorry for calling you and the rest of the guys ‘kids’. I am terribly remorseful about it. *sobs*

Oh man, the pizza’s pretty salty. Oh well, the price you pay for frozen food. I got too lazy to leave the house so I decided to rummage my freezer for food.

I spent some time praying and worshipping this morning. Read Deuteronomy and stumbled upon a few passages that struck me. They mentioned Moses not eating and drinking for forty days and forty nights to intercede on behalf of the people. Wow. At the side of my Thompson chain bible, the key word in bold was ‘Intercession’. It struck a chord within me. A few thoughts struck my mind. I remembered as well reading the insert from last Sunday’s bulletin about Spiritual Leadership. As Hosea so aptly puts, “Like people, like priest.” Strong words there. Feel it’s time to improve on my prayer life. And I have been telling my LG MEMBERS to pray for their friends. So I guess I will start with myself.

The consequences of ORD and having too much time on your hands : Late mornings and increased blogging.

One last thing, my fingers were itchy and so I went to click ‘save’ for this new blogskin provided by Blogger. Lo and behold, I found my tagboard erased. To add on to my woes, my brother added the tagboard for me so I can’t locate it now. Whoopee.

Out.

What a glorious day..

Another glorious day in my life! It sure feels good to be clearing leave! Woke up quite early to follow Hong Da to Temasek Poly. He wanted to file his application for an appeal. Yup. I’ve realized the impact of my blog. Cuz people do actually read it! Oh mine! All you people reading this entry; you guys/gals really have so much time on your hands eh...heh.

Well, back to the events of my day. I came home pretty early. I think it was 11am or thereabout.

Anyway, I tried to spend an hour worshipping the Lord this afternoon. I told Him last night I would try today, cuz last night I was kinda tired. So I tried honouring my word. WELL, it didn’t really go as plan. Hah. I stopped after like about 20min? Not too sure of the timing. Anyway, it was a pretty much a failure. Haha. Will try again tomorrow! I was feeling pretty neutral, no large or desperate desire. You know what I mean? Some times you feel as if the desire in your heart could burn and blaze the heavens with unquenchable worship. Today was not one of those days. I came pretty normally. I asked myself, why didn’t I feel anything? Then I decided it’d be better to just worship Him and see how it goes. So I did. I sang a few songs, prayed in the Spirit. And after some time I opened my eyes. Unsatisfied. I just knew God deserved more than such impassionate renditions. Yet, deep down, I really could not draw from such emotions. Eventually, I told myself not to focus on how I felt but to persist in praising Him.

Well God did speak at the end – I was reminded of His love for me. I just felt a small prompting telling me that He loves me. Hmmm, let’s see. It wasn’t much of an emotion. It was more of a truth. I finally understood that God’s love never changed. Don’t really know why, but it’s one of those things that suddenly hit you and you go,’ Hey, yar man! God’s love still remains the same!’ That truth today became more than head knowledge. It reached into my heart. Hope ya get what I mean.

Well, that’s pretty much all for now.

Felt like blogging because many people have been telling me to update my blog.

Cheers man! This entry is for you pals! Adieu.

He is still worthy of my praise!

Oh man. Never felt like this for so long. The feelings of uncertainty and doubt have been clouding my mind since yesterday. A recent spat of events have left an indelible mark on my consciousness. How should I describe how I feel? I don’t really know. A mixture of fear, ‘sian-ness’, tiredness; mostly negative? Hah. Well, I suppose that can’t be help. Ironically, I always tell my kids to keep their heads up and always remember that God will pull them through finally.  The words are hitting home real hard. It’s quite hard to see the light at the end of this tunnel I am traveling on. I will press on. Because I believe in what I tell my young ones to do. I truly believe God’s going to pull me through and that at the end of the road I will find myself a person better equipped for His use.


I find myself in a dilemma, not knowing how long it will end. All I long for is for God’s will to be done. Yet I will learn to praise Him in my suffering (It isn’t really painful..heh.) cuz’ that’s what I have always been saying! Time to put it into action!

So help me Lord, cuz my heart is weak. I can’t sense the peace nor see the light. I do know, however, Your hand. The markings of a palm callous and strong.. One that I have held onto and will hold on to. Keep chiseling Lord, it’s easier now, then it would be in the future. Let me keep my eyes on Your face Lord!

The Army.

Aye Lester!! Thanks to YOU, I am inspired once again to edit my blog and update it. Shall take some time to edit the skin as well as add a few things here and there. Hah. Before I do anything on my blog, I shall start with a little update. Next Friday is my ORD!!! Yes! Finally! After 26months of holding my green card (11B), I am finally attaining citizenship again! No longer a conscript I say!

It’s been an amazing journey throughout my army life. Here’s a short recap:

Basically, I entered BMT (Basic Military Training) School on 13 Mar 04. It was a day I would never forget. I remember wearing a white ‘hang ten’ polo-tee. Haha. Vividly recollected eh... Anyway, it was pure suffering. Still remember waking up to the sound of Douglas (Yes, Douglas, the drummer, was in BMT Recourse!! That’s for those who didn’t “pass” BMT) singing, ‘4 more weeks to ORD!’ That sure was a demoralizing way to wake up on a dark and dreary morning on Tekong.

Well, it sure was an eye-opener. I didn’t make it to be an Officer, but ended up in the middle – SISPEC. They used to tell me, be a Man or Officer, don’t be a Sergeant because you’ll end up doing all the Sai Kang (Colloquial for ‘Fatigue Duties’). Nevertheless, I ended up taking the bus from Tekong Ferry Terminal to Rocky Hill every time I book in or out for the next 4-5 months.

Didn’t make it through SISPEC. I was placed out-of-course. Had this heart condition thingy that didn’t allow me participate in vigorous activities. Don’t worry, I have since gone for the operation and removed the extra nerve path. So that being said, I stayed in Rocky Hill as a LOBO, for the next few months performing Fatigue duties such as clearing stores for the entire COMPANY after Ex. Grandslam and Ex. Nutcracker. Boy, it sure was fun.

I was exhilarated when they posted me out. Guess where they sent me – Provost. The high and mighty Provost, feared by all in green. I HAVE THE POWER. Ended up at the Commanding Officer’s office as his assistant. Spent the next 3months learning how to vacuum, clear trash and make coffee. I was later transferred to Manpower Branch to help out with administrative tasks.

After a short stint there, I went for the Military Police Basic course and passed out as a MP. Was transferred to Zone Provost Coy and miraculously placed in Ops platoon. I almost ended up at Station platoon and that would mean I could not attend Church at least twice a month! Thank God!

It sure was heaven! Never slept more in my army life than in Zone. Had my fair share of Sai Kang, but more often than not, I slept, went gym, ate, ate and ate.

Sure made a lot of good friends in the army. Especially my section mates in Ops. They are the coolest!

Yup, that pretty much sums up my army experience.  Adieu.

Start with me Lord!

I just visited the RGen webbie and realised that one of the pages contained artciles written by some of the people in RGen.

I had to blog this because of the lasting impression and impact those articles had made on my life. Entering into an interim period of my life, I have decided to relief-teach to earn some money while waiting for Uni entry. I am truly inspired by what Gerald has wrote. ( You can go read it at http://www.revivalgen.org/rgen_times/main_magazine_features.htm)

Though I know God works differently for everyone, it is always a hope that even as I do something out of my desire, that would achieve His purpose through me. Well, even if He calls me somewhere else other than to work or not, it would really be nice to impact the lives of others!!

I couldn't help but well up with tears as I peruse the rest of the articles; not because my tearducts are malfunctioning, mind you. It seems that God's heartbeat is resounding throughout the nation for souls. It felt as if He was calling out to me!It felt like,"Jeremy, I have ordained you for a time like this. Don't WASTE your YOUTH! Don't WASTE your time on meaningless pursuits! Run after me! Make the desires of your heart MINE!" I yearn to do the will of God where I am! And I really want to walk in His ways as I enter University as well.

Wow! The power of words inspired by the move ofGod. It truly has been enriching.
Lord, make me desparate for You again! Make me desparate for my generation!

Another Chinese New Year?

I should seize this chance to publish a post.

My computer has broken down. More precisely, my router is down. I am unable to access my msn. It has left me dishevelled.

One horrifying incident I would like to put on record would be that of cutting my hair. I paid a hefty TEN bucks for a quality cut at QB Cube. I told her to trim/thin the top but she ended up snipping it all off. I don't really think I look good, but it's ok I guess.

Well, after weeks of ambivalence and contemplation, I have concluded with SMU. There has been no clear reply from the Lord. The next best move for me would be to go to the school of my choice! What's more, they'e been pushing for my matriculation. Been thinking of using their MEGA-gym as well. Well, that's pretty much about it for now.

Chinese New Year: Ang Pows, feasting, feasting, feasting and feasting. Actually, I only went visiting on the first day (ie sunday). It has been fun seeing all your relatives grow older OR bigger.

ok, so much for blogging. Some intermittent thoughts here and there.

Blogskins

I have been searching for a blogskin for quite sometime. I took some extra effort yesterday night since I arrived home early from Lau Pa Sat. (For those of you at TTSH thinking that we went to United Square and vice versa, well, you’re wrong!) The food there was ok, it was a refreshing change from the monotonous routine of going to Novena. Just a side note: Novena’s foodcourt is finally closed! Phew! Finally! Someone who actually notices that food served there isn’t exactly very palatable. Well, back to blogskin searching. I went online and did a search. I spent almost 45mins browsing and viewing skins that people have created. Alas. I found none that suited my taste. Blogskin’s cruel and unforgiving hand sucked that 45mins without giving me anything in return. I concluded that I would stick with the simple plain green design provided by blogger.com. That’s pretty much all for tonight.

And the God who spoke, is speaking still!

Wow, God really speaks! I am utterly and totally awed. Realized after doing quiet time last night that I had looked to much to myself. I was inward-looking. I focused on what was going on within me and didn’t offer God a chance to speak. Well, thank God for quiet time. Hah. Guess what, my dearest Daddy whispered words of encouragement. He told me not to worry and to put my trust in Him. Realised that that was really my root problem – lack of trust! Wow.

So there ya have it. I still don’t really know which university to go, albeit NTU seems to be the prompting in my heart. However, thank the good Lord He enabled me to see beyond myself. I guess, sooner or later He will show me the way. Just have to put my faith in Him. Well, at the end of the day if He doesn’t say anything, I’d probably go SMU. So there ya have it. Period.

My predicament

I need to go pick up my brother from school in approx. 15mins; thought I would seize the chance to blog, lest I lose the desire to. I am seriously distressed. I am so internally unstable. I can’t decide which university to go. Just went down to SMU to ‘catan’ with some of the older ones. And boy, it sure felt like “the place” for me. Hah. Let’s recap my journey.

It all started when I decided to ask God which university I should go. I felt that it was NTU. It wasn’t exactly like, “Send me Lord, I see the call! I see the barrenness of the land! Send me! I will go. It was more like this little feeling that whispered, “ntu..”

As time went by, I gave serious thought to this issue. All along, I had wanted to go SMU for convenience sake. It’s at cityhall!!! Imagine the VAST difference it would be traveling to the two universities! I can’t possible imagine the countless leg muscles that I would stress on the mrt ride from Boon lay to Eunos. Oh boy, not something I would like to eundure for 3years.

The benefits of SMU are many. Yet, a small niggling feeling in my heart (Actually, it’s the area around the centre of my chest, to be exact. Don’t exactly know whether it’s the heart that’s telling me or some other organ.)

There are other factors as well.

The bottom line still remains: I would really like to be where the good Lord wants me to go. It’s too important a decision to let my own flesh take control of. Oh well, I shall continue to seek Him..