Run, and don't look back.

Well, read Samuel's testimony on POWER M&M's blog. And I felt kinda reminded of a few things I'd like to place on virtual memory.

Choices and paths, two things I would like to talk about in this entry. I still remember the times when I would stand at the altar and tell God I give my life to Him. Only to falter and fall so many times.

I still remember the tears streaming down my eyes, the deep angst and emotion. And that burning desire to lay all down for Him.

Today I sit here and I ask myself, have I truly given my life to Him? I look back at the times I have said yes to Him, but I realise now that I've not truly given it to Him. Sigh.

At this very moment, my faith and passion waiver and I think I've sort of lost it.

Time has allowed me to put on fronts pretty easily. It's kinda easy to come on Saturday and just put on a show.

Yet time has also solidified my relationship with Jesus and my thinking, perceptions, ideals about life's journey.

I really want to make it to the end. No matter the cost, and no matter how much time I take. Obstacles will always be obstacles, they will only be there for that specific point of the race. I just gotta keep running and jumping over them.

Desire is one thing, it must lead to action. And that's what I aim to achieve as I trudge on.

Lord, I must make it to the end, theres nothing else that's worth it.

Late Nights

Hmm, such an ungodly hour. Yet I'm still wide awake. The mood's pensive. Don't know why. But it's just another great moment to blog! Hah.

My curtains are down and in the laundry so that means I on public display. Anyway, the skies look rlly nice and calm. Peaceful. A complete opposite of what life is like in the day.

Regrets. That's the word on one of the boy's MSN display.

Any regrets in my life? Plenty. Self-induced, one too often. I wonder what it would be like if all my sins were counted against me. I'd be lost for words, actions, and reaction.

I don't know. How can I respond for the countless misdeeds? How can I stand righteous for the wrongdoings?

Forgiveness. We all need it. Constantly.

Sometimes I look in the sky and I wonder what life would be like if I didn't do certain things. Or make errors that on hindsight were so impetous and rash. Hmm. I can only imagine.

Well, enough retrospect. I guess, I still stand by His grace.

Hope. Of what is unseen and what has been promised.

I wonder what iit would be like when I graduate and start working. A short conversation on the MRT home reminded me of how vicious the corporate rat race is. Or so they say it is. Well I still run the Race?

God protect me and strengthen me. I don't want to stop running!

Taste of Heaven

Wonder what's it like to taste glory?

Wonder how it really feels to enter God's presence and just sit there and let Him reveal Himself to you?

Where the music stops, the people fade, and your eyes are closed. Emotions are intense. There's this burning desire inside to reach out for more. There's this presence that envelopes,encompasses, and engulfs.

You feel hungry, yet you are filled. You want more, but there's nothing more to ask for.

You want to lift your hands, you want to give more. You feel the need to give more.

You feel the need to sing. You want to sing your heart and lungs out to Jesus. You want to play on your instrument and express your feelings.

It's beyond words. You gotta experience it yourself.

Yearn. Desire. Expect.

One of those nights again.

I remember 'writing' a song in the days of my foolish youth. It went something like,

"It's one of those nights again,
When I think of your lovely face."

Can't remember the rest of the lyrics. Interpret it anyway you like. Hah.

Well, it really is one of those nights. Can't get to sleep, don't know what to do till the next day.

It's been a great day! Sermon was great, challenging. I really enjoyed myself today in service. I feel God is challenging me to really put my family first. Hmm, one of the hardest things to do.

It's never been easy witih family. The walls of silence, have made talking uncomfortable and unusual. Maybe it's time to break it.

Been sneezing too often these days. Wonder why.

Have typed enough to induce drowsiness. Time to turn in.