Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009!

Goodbye 2008!

Time really flies. All I can do at this point on the very last day of 2008 is stand amazed at how the Good Shepherd has led me thus far.

What a tremendous journey this year has been. Looking back, I've experienced more grace, more freedom, more love and more of His presence. I bow in humility before my Maker for His grace, tenderness and patience toward me.

There are many things to thank God for, so let's see how the post develops. =)

1. Thank the Lord for planting me in a new church. I feel like some wild branch grafted into the Cornerstone vine. Haha. After 6months here, it's starting to feel more and more like home. Really grateful for Saturday Life, Sunday services, Daily prayer meetings, cell meetings, zone meetings, zone outings, and what not!

Another thing I'm grateful for is specifically the prayer meetings. The atmosphere at the prayer meetings were really overwhelmingly awesome. I thoroughly enjoyed singing and praying my lungs out, just seeking His face and bringing our requests before HIm.

2. Thank the Lord for shifting my perspectives about many things in life.

In particular, a pursuit of excellence. I've learnt that God is involved in ALL areas of my life, and that every area of my life must be lived for His glory! And what better way than to excel and pursue your best in each and every endeavour.

Secondly, I've also learnt to look beyond the four walls of church, the geographical boundaries of Singapore, and extend my sight to the nations. It's just awesome to see God moving in other nations. It's also a burden to carry the issues in the world upon our hearts. Really thank God for that.

3. Thank the Lord for more time with family. Can you believe it, my mum gave me a christmas present! This is unheard of in the Tay family. Haha. I've also realised that my mum talks to me more. My brother is also more vocal and speaks a lot more. (for those of you who have met him, if he speaks more than 10words to you, it's like a breakthrough!)

I could only thank God for this signs of breakthroughs in my relationships at home. I'm looking forward to being an even better example and a brighter light for the Lord.

So much for retrospect.

It's time to look forward and run. It's also time to leave behind all the baggage of my past. My sins, my failures, my mistakes and my wrong choices.

Really looking forward to 2009, a lot of things happening!

Hello 2009!

Everything in its time

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer, 
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time
Everything in its time

Christmas @ Katong

Christmas at Katong is probably a significant marker in 2008.

I could sum up the past three days in 3 words - Corn, coins and company.

Corn -I have ran countless times, drove countless times ( been driven around ) to buy corn. Corn was such a hit and such a quick seller that we constantly ran out of it. Went once with Rachel, and we bought the wrong corn back. You see, the different type of corn came in similar packaging.

I didn't even realised it till we went back to the stall and Bee Har said," How come you bought cream corn?" Rachel and I looked at each other in shocked and amusement.

That was a classic moment.

Coin - I was in charge of handling the money and it is the first time in my life I have seen so much loose change and so much cash! The late nights counting the coins.

The first night was memorable - Junjie, Edwin, Ernest and I decided to count the cash in Edwin's car. I don't know why we came to such a decision. It was quite funny. All the easterners were waiting outside the car and staring in at 3-4 grown men fumbling with coins and notes.

We were taking ages to count, largely because I brought along too much lose change. The first day tally went something like 100x 10 cents, 40x5cents, ...

We couldn't find a 50 dollar note for quite some time, and I was panicking real bad. Jun jie finally found it, after we removed the tray from the cash register and found it lodged behind. Phew. What a relief!

Company - because through this whole bazaar thing, I saw dedication, sacrifice, toil and so much enthusiasm. I saw the tireless Edwin zip up and down in his toyota bringing ice, barley and drinks every morning. Bee Har manning the cash register with concentration and dedication. Ernest with his semi-stoned army face making cup corn, hotdog buns, and occasionally manning the register. Emma with her store designs and the badges that we proudly don on our dark colour tops.

Eunice, Wendy who were willing guinea pigs for corn testing and wii playing on thurs.

And the rest of the cell sweating it out in their plastic gloves (yes, wearing plastic gloves causes your hands to perspire).

There was the first day, where we didn't watch the bread in the oven and we charred it not once, twice but thrice! Louis and Deting trying to concoct secret ingredients to make the corn taste better - Louis added mayo, while Deting added MORE salt. =_=

Taking a photo of the hotdog - a last minute ditch to improve our publicity.

There was Ruth, our special guests and volunteer who stood in on Sunday! Kudos!

So much more unseen effort that many people have put in, too much to mention. Thought I better blog this, cuz it's easier than writing it with pen and paper. =P

Great work guys! haha. =)

And the work pays off! We made a good profit! =)

Putting the nails through the arms of my Master.

Been doing my devotions on Hebrews the past few days.
Was just reading Hebrews and felt really humbled by what was mentioned in Heb 6:4-8 about people who have fallen away.

I don't want to be the one that puts the Lord to open shame. I remember a line from a song that goes something like, "Do you still feel the nails, everytime I fail?" ,

The passage also goes on to mention about that even though the ground is watered, that it still yields thorns and thistles is a warning to me.

At the same time, the earlier promise in Heb 4:16 that comes to mind is, that as we draw near with confidence, we receive the grace and mercy needed.

Fraught with weakness, but held in the firm,strong arms of the Lord.

Success!

Today was my first try at making vongole pasta! It was a whack! =)

The correlation between singing and exam papers.

What a way to end with a bang! The last paper was a KILLER. I can't believe it was so difficult! The past year papers were smoke screens for the horror hidden in this year's paper!

I was panicking throughout the paper. I kept telling myself, die die, this one sure jia lat, wah the paper super duper hard, sian man...

I'm just glad that I managed to compose myself. And I did manage to finish the paper. Phew.

At 1115am, with fifteen minutes to go, I was smiling to myself. I just couldn't wait for the paper to end. The holidays are here!! =)

One thing that I realised that calms me done during my exams is singing to myself.

I would get this song in my head, and while furiously scribbling illegible my answers, I would sing the song.

Today's song was super appropriate for my killer paper. I was singing Divine Exchange. Haha.

Divine Exchange

The promise of God

2 Peter 1:3 - "seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence."

Just some food for thought.

God gives His power to overcome sin, to overcome life, to deal with every situation in life, to be able to excel in our workplaces, and yet attain to a godliness in our character, actions and thoughts.

It reminds me that whenever I strive to become more like Him. the source of power is God Himself. Now that's a really cool thought. It's like going for exam with the ultimate kungfu manual.

And God doesn't make it difficult for us to find this manual of answers, we don't need to go to some cave in some remote forest.

God is my Deliverer and my Provider.

God teach me to apply all diligence as your Word says so.

It's the relationship that matters.

It's quite funny how over the course of this week and the weeks before, I've been asking God really fundamental questions about life. Questions like : What am I here for? What is my purpose in everyday living? They seem to be pretty prominent in my thoughts recently.

I've come to a point where I wonder about my purpose in existence, and the meaning and relation to God in the daily activities that I do.

Ever since leaving my old church, I've been serving way much less than before. And in this period of rest, minimal ministry stuff, it seemed as if God was stripping it down and allowing me to rediscover.

I just had zone meeting on Friday and the eyes of my heart popped out when Newson said this, " Everyone will ask three basic questions in their life. One, "Who am I?" Two, " What am I doing?" And three, "Why am I doing?" It's quite cool how sometimes, when God speaks to you, He really hammers the nail at the exact spot.

If I could sum up what I go out of the sharing, it would be the word 'relationship'.
I wondered why I couldn't see it. It was as if on Friday night, my blind eyes were open ( Bob Mendelsohn shared about the blind man today =) and I suddenly understood.

Learning to make christianity a relationship and not a job. =) It's not about performance!

And so I've decided to rediscover my relationship with God. It's like a second honeymoon, for a lack of a better expression. =P

The year of shaking and thoughts on true fellowship

I've realised more and more that this is really a year of shaking for me.

God really wants to strengthen the weak areas in my life. This year, I've come face-to-face with the big issues in my life. I can't help but look back at the past 10months and go "Wow, so many things have happened!"

One thing caught my attention during the T&E class yesterday. I felt God tell me the need to keep standing upon the convictions and prompting of the Holy Spirit.

It doesn't matter what other people do. If God told me to stop doing it or start doing something, I must obey!!!

I think one thing the Lord has really convicted me of this season is my relationship with people.

I tend to put on different sets of glasses for different people. Some people get the "Everything you say is not credible" glasses, some get the "Too serious" glasses while some get the "Avoid at all cost!!!!!!!" pair of specs.

And I realised that everything they say or do is filtered through the lens of biases I've formed.

This affects the way I respond to people.

So I really want to learn to treat others with gentleness and respect, and season my speech with salt. Learning to put on Jesus' spectacles of love, impartiality and grace. More and more, I feel the need to be an edifier, rather than a discourager or more bluntly put a pain in the neck. True fellowship, speaking into one another's lives must become part of my speech!

Time to remove the specs and put on God's contact lens.

Second Chance

Just finished attending T&E- Elementary Truth 202.

It was as if God was letting me "lay again" the foundation of basic truths as Hebrews 6:1-2 puts it.

I really want to make it right this time. Looking back, I feel I have neglected a lot of basic things in my christian walk.

This is my chance to make it right. Today at T&E, the teacher was talking about making decisions. It was as if God has presented me another chance at 'starting over'.

Ps Yang was talking about a kairos moment. I think this is mine.

Signed, sealed, delivered

Today was the day I signed my first contract to my first job! =) By the grace of God, I'm employed! =)

It was an interesting start to the day. I actually woke up LATE.I was quite panicky this morning - had to be there at 10am. When I opened my eyes, it was 905am! Gosh. Thank God I made it there by 10.05am.

I feel that I as I take up this job, it's as if I've taken up a entire new way of making decisions in life.

I guess this is how I want to live, always looking towards Him ,and waiting for Him to speak.

On the train ride back home, it occured to me that in the future, decisions would be bigger, with bigger consequences.

It was as if God puts me through a series of tests to see how I react. =)

This is my surrender God.

Inexplicable.

It's funny how sometimes I doubt God will speak to me regarding major decisions in my life.

We always say, pray about it, think about it, and then see how. I've always wondered how God speaks to me about decisions in my life.

Recently, I had to decide on the choice of my first job. This experience has taught me much about trusting God and obeying Him in my decisions.

The wise move for an accountant would always be to choose audit in a Big 4 firm or any accounting-related work in any corporation, so that he could get his CPA certification and go n to do others.

On Saturday night, I had actually emailed a company stating my interests to join their audit dept. I could not sleep the whole night! Before that, I had this uneasiness regarding my choice. Somehow I felt I should have spent more time asking God, instead of hastily emailing the HR contact.

And so, once again ,God was right, and I was foolish. Could have saved myself much distress regarding this matter.

I have finally decided to just choose tax, because somehow I feel most strongly God wants me there. =)

Through this experience, the conclusion of the matter is : pray until I feel God says yes.

Roms 2:4

This verse struck me yesterday when I went for 202.

The teacher was speaking on true repentance and she was saying that repentance is a gift from God. =)

May it never be said of me, that I lose the humility to repent and to ask God to change my thinking or behaviour.

Initially, i thought that I could have better spent my time at prayer meetings, cuz I had sort of learnt those stuff again. Oh man! wat pride!

At the class, I was awed and super humbled. Becuz I realised that I had taken the word for granted. =S

"What are the elementary truths mentioned in hebrews 6?" was the question I found myself unable to answer.

What contempt on my part!

In this season, thank God for chances to start anew. Like this. =)

The walk

Think the thing that has really struck me this few days, is that my walk with God is of utmost importance.

Don't know why, it's so fundamental, yet it has strike a chord within me. Was reading Dr Brian Bailey's book on the Journey of Israel, and he did mention somewhere that God has not called us to do ministry, but also to a relationship with Him.

At prayer meeting, someone went up and said that God has to prepare our character so that we can assume the responsiblity of ministry..

I was serving and doing quite a lot of stuff in my previous church. At the moment, I'm pretty much free in cell and not serving in any ministry. =)

And in this season of receiving and recuperation. I find myself being challenged in the basics of my walk wiith God. The basics of reading His word, praying and worshipping Him are things that I feel must become the most important in my life again. =)

Help me Lord!

A blog post!

It's been long.

I feel as if the Lord has seriously been dealing with me. I feel like I'm in a furnace, and the heat is causing all the impurities to rise to the top. Ps Yang was just speaking about it yesterday, and he said God has a way of just pulling the impurities out of us.

I can surely testify to that. Well, what do you expect? More heat, more purity. Need to be made new.

It's an exciting season. I am finally settling down in my new home.

It's great to finally call Cornerstone my home. =)

My Psalm.

Oh bless the Lord all my soul.
Let every ounce of energy left be spent on singing a song to You.
Squeeze every muscle in my body to give thanks and shout 'hallelujah'

Sometimes it feels like the last 100m of my 2.4km run during my ippt test.
Sometimes it feels like having just finished two presentations, two quizzes and two reports.
Sometimes it feels like the longest route march I've ever walked.

Why does it feel like I've lost?
Why does it feel like I've been trashed in a match?
Why the feeling of lostlessness or hopelessnes?

Still I lift my eyes to the hills.
I raise my hands to the heavens.
I shout aloud.

I remember my help from above.
I rely on the promises He made.
I return to the Words He spoke.

Jim and his beans

Jim had a bag of beans. They were very special to him.

Nobody knows why Jim was attracted to that bag of beans. His friends couldn't understand. It was told to many that one day, Jim walked pass Uncle Leonard's grocery shop. He looked at the vast array of vegetables, and suddenly, that crumpled, unshapely brown bag of beans caught his attention. The beans were lumpy, but they looked like beans. Jim's eyes litted when he held the beans in his hands. That begin his uncanny attraction to that bag of beans.

One day, Jim brought his beans out with him. And he met a farmer.

The farmer saw his bag of beans and asked him,

"Young man, what are those beans for?"

"I don't know Sir, I just like to keep them." Jim replied politely.

"Well, what use are they to you? Why don't you give them to me, I can plant them in my field and grow them. The beans themselves aren't really valuable unless they grow into nice big vegetables. If you keep them for too long, they might just dry up and die."

"Die? I thought I could keep them forever." Jim was saddened by the news. It never occurred to him that his precious beans would one day be gone. He couldn't let that happened.

"What must I do Sir? I don't want them to die." Jim asked.

"You've got to plant them son. Like I've said, you can give them to me and I'll plant them in my garden and I'll take care of your beans for you." the farmer smiled.

"I'll let you in on a little secret. If you give me those beans, I promise you I will get you a bigger bag the next time you come and see me. I stay just down the road."

Jim thought about it. It was difficult. His precious bag of beans. They were his pride, his joy, his security and comfort.

But Jim knew he had to do it. If not, his beans would rot and perish. He had to give it to the farmer, for only he knew how to grow and preserver his beans.

Jim raised his bag of beans to the farmer.

" Here you go Sir, you know what's best." Jim sighed. He had to part with the beans. It was time to let go.

It wasn't long before Jim met the farmer again. This time the farmer held a familar looking brown sack in his hands. Jim couldn't believe his eyes! The bag was bigger than before! And the beans were nice and smooth!

"Here you go son, as I had promised.' the farmer smiled, proud of himself. "Look, tell you what, when you want, you can always pop by and pick up some beans. See that green field over there? Yeap, those are all from your beans."

Jim smiled. He was glad he gave his beans to the farmer.

Zack and his two candies

Zack loved candies. It was the joy of his life! Everyday, Zack would go to the basket in the living room and pick out two pieces of candy, nicely wrapped in crisp colourful foil. He loved to roll the sweet around in his mouth, letting it melt in his mouth. Zack never would bite the sweet. He wanted it to last as long as possible. Sweets were the most important to him.

It was time to go to the dentist. And Zack was pretty nervous about it. It was his first time. This year was a year of "first times" for him. First year in primary school, first brother, among others. He didn't know what to expect.

"Open up and say 'AHH'... "

Zack looked at the dentist and went, "ahhhh." He felt the sharp hook scraping, poking and moving all around his mouth. He daren't move. Mum said boys are brave and they don't cry, even when it was painful. Zack wanted to be a brave boy.

Finally, the dentist pushed a button and the chair resumed it's original upright position.

"Zack, do you know what's a cavity?" the dentist asked. Zack shook his head. This was the first time he heard the word. It sounded evil, like some of the words he knew.

The dentist explained it to Zack. It sounded a whole lot like his naggy english teacher. So Zack wasn't listening much until the dentist said, " You cannot eat any more sweets..."

Zack open his eyes in horror and disbelief. No sweets? He felt like the joker got the best of him.

"It might seem bad now, but next time when you're bigger, you will have teeth. And then you can eat all the things you want." the dentist smiled. "Besides, there are other good yummy things to eat."

"But why sir?" Zack asked, ever so hoping that the dentist would take back what he had told Zack.

"It's for your own good."

And so with those words ringing in his head, Zack went home feeling very sad. What he had always had, what he looked forward to everyday, what he wanted so badly when his tummy growled, his two sweets were now gone.

The next morning, the basket was in the living room Zack looked at it. He wanted it. He looked at it greedily and his mouth began to salivate. But he remembered what the dentist said. Especially the last line.

"It's for your own good."

Zack sighed. He walked to the kitchen to eat some bread. The bus was coming soon. It was time for school.

"Open you mouth and say 'AH' " the dentist scrapped, poked and moved the sharp hook between Zack's gums and teeth.

"Well, it looks good." The dentist said as he removed his gloves. "You didn't eat any sweets did you?"

Zack shook his head. He had a been a good boy for the past six months.

"I've got something for you." The dentist rolled his chair towards the table. He opend a box and reached in. Zack was curious. It wasn quite exciting. He was getting a present. Zack's heart started to beat faster.

"Take this," the dentist opened up his hands and it was two pieces of candy!

Zack could hardly believe his eyes. He was overwhelmed! At this point, Zack remember what
the dentist had said. He was glad he listened to him.

Zack looked at the sweets and this time it felt different. He didn't feel like he needed them. After six months without them, it was as if he loved them no longer. He still liked the taste, but it wasn't the same.

"I'll just take one sir," Zack smiled.

My blog has moved!

Hi all!

All you closet blog-viewers.. I've shifted to

http://jemtay.multiply.com/

check my blog out there!!

The Popiah Aunty (Part 1)

She rises before the sun does. Somehow, past the age of 50, you can't sleep for more than 5-6 hours. Perhaps, it was the hard life she had been through. It was more likely, a habit.

She gets herself ready. There is one additional chore that needs to be done today. She needs to get some groceries.

Carrot, white turnip, baby shrimps, garlic. She runs the list in her mind. She tries to recall what other ingredients are missing. Oh yes, a pineapple.

She locks her door, and unlocks the chain on her bicycle. The market was just downstairs. She looks at the number lock and thinks twice, maybe it would be wiser to leave the bicycle here. On second thought, it might be more convenient to do everything at one go.

As she enters the lift, she greets a familiar face. There was Uncle Tham. He suffered a stroke recently. After much therapy, he's able to walk, albeit with some help from his walking stick. She has know him for many years. It was only yesterday the government decided to take the land from them, and relocate to the HDBs. She's still pretty bitter over the meagre sum the government gave for her hut in the kampung.

The market is bustling with life. She zooms in on her usual store. It wasn't always about the cheapest deal. Freshness, quality, texture, country of import, all these mattered to her. She only trusted Lim. He too, came from the kampung. Unfortunately, only Lim, Tham and herself were relocated to Eunos. Some went to Bedok and Aljunied. They had lost all contact the moment they shifted out of the kampung.

They exchange a few words. She asks about his daughter. Lim's daughter was a scholar, and she works in the civil service. Lim was very proud of his daughter. She was the pride of his life. Everyone that knew Lim long enough would know the sacrifices and love he devoted to her ever since his wife passed on. It was a tragic accident. Lim still blames himself for the accident. He shouldn't have brought her our for supper.

Lim's face lights up the moment she mentions her name. She just got promoted. Lim tells her that he's going to a restaurant this Sunday to celebrate her achievement. He invites her to come join in the celebration. She accepts, of course. Everyone in the kampung was like family. They shared their hardships and losses together, and celebrated the successes as one big family.

She picks up a few carrots, turnips, and the pineapple and asks Lim for the total price. Lim smiles back and tells her the vegetables are on the house. He waves for her to take it. She refused, in polite oriental custom, but he insists. She finally accepts the gesture of goodwill. After all, she had been like a mother to Lim's daughter.

When Lim was holding two jobs, he would leave his daughter with her at the store. She took care of her as if she was her own. She never had her own child, much to her disappointment. Lim's daughter was like a mandate bestowed from heaven. She felt responsible for her upbringing.

Less comfortable

I realised that sometimes, even a time of rest can degrade into a time of slack and comfort.

For me, I realise that I've not been praying enough for my friends. I've been praying convenient prayers for them, but not standing by them in prayer!

Second thing that hit me at this moment is that my time with God is not two hours in the morning and two hours at night. It's the WHOLE DAY. It just means I got to watch my guard 24/7, remembering to keep my eyes pure ALL the time. Evaluating my intentions, and thoughts. Not letting and unwholesome talk come out of my big gap.

Can rest, but not slack! =P

Word of God speak.

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

The Lord GOD Almighty

Recently, I've been reading up on the contemporary prophets of the OT. And boy it sure is scary. The God that could send earthquakes, fires, destroy nations, etc etc. It sure gave a new dimension to the way I see Him.

Many passages talk about the judgement of nations, and Israel as well. It always seems that the OT God is separate from the NT God. The old was righteous, impartial, a judge of nations; the new was a God of grace, love, mercy.

Through the readings, it has really got into my skull that God is the same past present or future.

One book that really left a deep impression on me is the book of Jonah.

God loved the Assyrians too. He loved them so much he sent Jonah to proffer a chance of to turn from their wicked ways. The last few verses of Jonah was an insight into God's character. That God valued mercy over judgement. He was patient and judgement was like a last resort.

Was really awed at God's love. How he loves them so much. How he loves me so much.

Thank You God for Your love. You are awesome, majetic, infinite, and the supreme Ruler of all, yet You choose to invest, sacrifice and love a person like me.

Major overhaul

By far, these few weeks in retrospect have been by far one of the most fulfilling ones for me.

I just asked my Dad to buy me a bottle of multi-vitamins, for preventive purposes.

In this season of nakedness, it is as if God was feeding me multi-vits. Can't see the benefits of it yet, but in the long run, the yield will be high.

Feel that God is teaching me a lot about character. About meekness, about gentleness, about my actions, words, thoughts and attitudes.

Every misunderstanding, quarrel, reprimand, scolding; daily situations, daily encounters with family, strangers, bad drivers, is a chance for God to mould my character. Ain't that awesome??

God orchestrates every single meeting in my life as a chance to make me more Christ-like!

Looking back, serving God in ministry was one season, and in that season, God worked differently in my life. So new season, new lessons, and more importantly, more like my Saviour.

Macbook. Finally.

My mac is finally working. My first post on macblack! haha. I am so amazed at the beautiful screen i am staring at now. It's so much nicer than any windows interface!

This is my first week of school, but i've got no classes till week 2. haha. so an extra week of holidays!! woohoo!

Yesterday morning Ps Yang preached on the wilderness. And he said that if there is no wilderness, there won't be a promised land.

Determined to make it through the promised land.

When times are really tough, it's the cross of Jesus that makes it sweet. =)

"At least he tried"

Think it was Rick Warren who said he wanted these four words on his epitaph.

Well, I have put those four words up on my wall. To always remind me to keep trying. And keep trying I will.

Till the day I die to self, sin, and all worldly desires.

Till the day I fulfil the high calling of God in my life.

It's funny. I feel highly motivated. =P Whenever I watch tv or something, I always mumble to myself,"This guy, purposeless,causeless in life." Or,"Wah, at least this one got purpose. At least he fight for something."

I want to try and fight for His cause. To know Him and make Him known.

Updates!

Wow! Time flies and it's the end of the first week of my holidays; or what's left of it.

God is real good. He spoke to me through all three services last Saturday and Sunday. I'm so glad to have found a new spiritual home.

I believe God is really doing a new work in my life. And I've gotta let Him do it. These past few tumultous weeks/ months have exposed me for who I truly am inside. Through this time, my masks of ministry/position, things to do, school, etc have been taken off and I've gotten a good look at what's been brushed under the carpet of my life.

Boy. It sure looks messy. =P

Thank God for this wilderness that I'm going through. It's a real blessing to have the great and mighty King take so much trouble, and time to invest in my life. To manufacture this whole thing so that I can face my real self and to give me the grace, strength, encouragement to press on.

Hosea 6:3 "So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD. His going forth is as certain as the dawn; And He will come to us like the rain, Like the spring rain watering the earth."

Come to me like a rain Lord, wash me over.

Food!

The song that is ringing in my heart right now is “Free” by Planetshakers, in their new albums Free and All for love. I’m counting down to my last day in my Internship.

Right now, I’m enjoying a Ice-blended chocolate with peppermint. It tastes exquisite. All that chocolatey goodness in every mouthful, makes you want to just drink more and more. Add in that extra peppermint and it tastes all the more heavenly. Glorious! =) For those of you working at Raffles Place, you can order in! Check out the webby!

http://www.eelingocoffee.com/ Think they might have other branches also…

Anyway, here are some good food stalls I’ve savoured over the course of ten weeks here at Raffles Place.

1. Amoy Street Food Market

1^st floor – Beef Kway Teow

I’ve tasted the ‘teochew’ beef kway teow and I must say it is quite tasty. It costs $3, which is reasonably cheaper than other eateries at Raffles place. The soup was light but tasty. They gave substantial slices of beef and other stuff.

For me, it is a pale comparison of the almighty East Coast Park Beef Kway Teow. Oh well, beef is better than chicken anytime.

1^st floor – Prawn noodles

Oh the magnificent rich brown stock,the succulent prawns, and that melt-in-your-mouth pork ribs… It just blows your mind away. How do I describe the soup, it has that deep prawn and pork taste that leaves you wanting for more. It’s different from the others I’ve tasted. The soup is thick and very tasty.

2^nd floor – Lor Mee

My mum says the lor mee isn’t nice. I beg to differ. It’s the traditional hokkien lor mee that has the strong 5 spice smell in the gravy. The ingredients are fresh and compliments the gravy.

I think that’s about it for now la. It’s 530pm so I won’t continue anymore… haha.

Intership

I’m back from lunch early today. Time flies and it is the end of internship!

I can’t understand why my grey pants always has that ‘damp’ smell. It is the kind of smell that only goes away if you sun-dry your clothes. My mum did hang the clothes out to dry. I really wonder why.

Well, internship has brought me a peek into the marketplace. What it feels like to wear a shirt and tie just to sit at a desk and stare at a screen.

Some thoughts about the corporate life and other random stuff :

1. MRT

Every morning, a thousand and one persons jostle, squeeze, push, force their way into the train as they go to work. There’s the occasional auntie that runs with her noisy heels up the escalator, shoves everyone at the train entrance, trying to squeeze into the already sardine-packed cabin. My goodness. Does anyone know that the next train comes in two minutes????

2.Food

I regret wasting all that money on expensive cai fan. Only towards the end of the ten weeks of PA did I discover $3 cai fan. I paid $4.50 for a plate of rice with 1 meat dish and 2 vegetables! It’s quite funny how my mindset changed after 2 months at raffles place. A meal costing $5 is considered cheap! (I used to think $3 for cai fan was expensive.)

3. Inner voice

On the first day of my internship, at a briefing conducted for all of us noobs, the person told us that in the office, people don’t shout and talk loudly. It was on that very day that I was introduced to the inner voice.

The inner voice is a unique part of everyone. Girls understand it more than guys (on the presumption that girls talk softly and gently – there are exceptions of course). I have discovered the inner voice in me. That soft, gentle pseudo whisper that I utilize in my communications in the workplace.

The only problem with this is that, on Saturdays/ Sundays, when you try to sing in service, it feels really strenuous to do so.

This has also made me understand the importance of using your voice to sing and the need the warm up your voice.

4. The lack of social activities

I think I say less than 20 sentences in the 8hrs in office. There really isn’t much talking, since you’re an intern and you don’t really know many people. Anyway, any socializing or non-work activity is frowned upon. That is why I am typing this in a word document to make it look like I’m doing my work. (oops.)

5. The increased agility and speed of your fingers

Sometimes when I get really bored (like now) I’d be engaged in non-productive activitied like blogging, reading people’s blog or reading the news. This probably happens approx. 20% of the time. So when my spider senses, or rather people’s noisy heels, tell me that someone will be walking by my desk, I quickly press alt+tab. I’m pretty good at that now. =)

Yawn. I’m getting sleepy already. 3.5 more hours to go!

Finally a post.

I have decided to update my blog while at work. How time flies. I’m already in my 9^th week of work.

Slightly bored, so blogging now. =)

“The mystery of the full dustbin”

Every morning when I come to work, the dustbin underneath my desk is always full! I don’t know who comes and dumps all that stuff into my bin! This morning, I checked and I found a namecard with a Japanese name written on it. Wow, I’ve got some kind of special dustbin. People from all over the building come to my place just to dispose of their trash. Haha.

Well, nothing much about work anyway. I think life here has been good. I really enjoy my work, although it gets slightly monotonous at times.

I realize I am person who likes to do things and keep doing the same till I am a master of it… Don’t know if you get what I mean, but I just like to fine-tune my processes till I can function at a rate I deem efficient.

Anyway, this marks a new week for me. Last Saturday was my first Saturday at Cornerstone. And I am so so refreshed! I can’t explain it, but all I can say now is that there is so much excitement brewing within me!

I can’t wait for the weekend to come because I know I’m gonna meet up with friends and the awesome presence of God. =)

Letting go

Steven Curtis Chapman - Miracle Of The Moment
From the album This Moment

It’s time for letting go
All of our if only’s
Cause we don’t have a time machine
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it?
Would we really want to go change everything?

Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

Chorus:
So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss
The miracle of the moment

There's only one who knows
What’s really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He’s out there waiting
To Him the future’s history
And He has given us a treasure called right now

And this is the only moment we can do anything about
And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
And let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go, let it go You gotta let it go
Listen to your heartbeat

Seasons change.

A new season of my life has began.

I've been in internship for 5weeks already. It has been a new and enriching experience.

It has caused me to ponder on my future and the kind of life I would lead next time.

Anyway, there has been these few thoughts runnning through my mind.

1. Time is really short, no more time to waste on petty things.

2. More is expected of those who have been given more.

3. I need to build more discipline into my life. As misty edwards puts it.. know how the Lord God speaks to His people : through the word, the quiet times of prayer and worship...

So yeap. Lazy to blog la. Shall stop here.. =S

My Holidays are almost over...

Great. It's wednesday, and I have 4 more days of break.

I feel I have lost hunger. Side-tracked by so many other issues and distractions.

Just read an article that reminded me of the verse in Hebrews 11:6
"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him"

It simply means I seek, God rewards.

What you put your time to, you reap.

So what better way than to put time in God, who rewards you?

Crazy

"Love makes you act that way"

To borrow a line from Steven Curtis Chapman

It's funny how the words of Paul are rephrased in this 'cute' song. (Think "Christ's love compels me".)

Well, His love definitely compels me to give my life to Him. Let's stick to that thought for this post. Shall take the time to blog while I wait for my hashbrown to turn, well, brown.

It's always funny how we admire, compare, aspire, to be like someone else.

I want to be on Dean's list! ( like the two brothers who's surname starts with 'T'.)

I want to produce my own album, have played rugby for my country and be friends with Brooke Fraser! (Just like my secondary school friend of mine)

I want this, I want to be that, blah blah blah.

I guess, Christ's love compels me to place my life, past, present, future into His hands.It compels me to trust Him for my future, my career, my results, my calling and my ministry.

I have always wondered what would have happened if I grew up going to ACS, then maybe being saved at another church, serving on another worship team, given a different value set, etc.
Oh well, so much for letting my mind wonder.

God's love gives me the assurance that He's got everything under control.

Sometimes in worship, there is this overwhelming sense of wanting to give my life to Jesus and pay the price, no matter what the cost. That's what I call compelling.

Thank God for who I am, how He's going to fashion me and the path He has laid for me. He knows best.

Maybe if I scored A+ and A for this semester (like one of the T** brothers), I might have just chosen to serve the world.

So I'll just leave my life, and live my life in the Master's hands. It makes life a whole lot easier to live.

Happy LAbour Day!

It's interesting how different life journeys intertwine.

Our individual lives are knitted together in God's tapestry.

I'm intrigued at how many of us meet, in church, school, CCAs, outside, previous schools, etc and how at this point of our lives our journeys meet, and we somehow walk alongside each other.

I'm just glad to be a part of God's plan. Thank you Jesus.

Just came back from retreat @ Aloha Loyang

Didn't sleep the whole night. Spent it on champions league. What a waste.

Resolute

So it is time for me to get extreme about certain things in my life.

I've got 3-4months of holiday+attachment before I go back to school.

I want to :

1. Stop watching tv
2. Use less Facebook
3. Start exercising
4. Start reading my books
5. Start studying my Bible
6. And sleep less in the afternoon

Time for some discipline in my life!!!

Guess what, I went to service my macbook, and I left the receipt at Fish & Co. =_=

Hope I don't have to end up paying or something...

It's over!

I am declaring that exams are over!

In 12hours' time that is!

This has been the toughest semester I've gone through.

So far, these four months have been the most trying, not just in terms of studies but in all other aspects of my life too.

Wah, without Him I think I would have kapoot already.

One third of the year gone.

Am I still the same?

The narrow path

How can we be refined, moulded, and suited to the plans of God?

Only through the test of fire.

Every person who wants to be used by God even more, has to be even less.

And more broken.

So mould me Lord, because I know You have great plans for me.

With Hope

This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and ...

We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

So we can cry with hope
And say goodbye with hope

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope

Blog Drought

There's been a drought at my blog due to the intense mugging that I have subjected myself to.

I'm taking a rest today after my paper.

This is a significant week for many of us.

A very important and precious person will soon be leaving us.

Leaving behind an huge void.

It's time to flap your wings and fly...

Living for something greater.

"Every generation needs a revolution"

That's what Hillsongs says.

True indeed.

Been reading a book by Jim Cymbala on prayer. It's called "Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire"

My vision for the youth never changes.

I pray that I will avail myself to the move of God.



I was watching this video and my heart was really stirred up.

I want to live for something worth dying for.

I want to live for a cause.

And no greater cause than for Jesus and His heart for the lost.

Please God, remind me of the vision and keep my heart soft.

Rain rain come again...

We're so thirsty Lord.



Can't wait for exams to finish. Here I am with zero motivation to mug. Maybe tonight. =)

We Prepare The Way

This is a heartfelt song that really touches my heart a lot.

Take some time, listen to the lyrics, let the Holy Spirit remind you and I that life isn't just about work, CCA and projects. Nor is it just the struggles of our hearts.

It's about God and His glory, and His work in you, the church and the world out there.

Prepare Him a way.

Weakness

It is only in weakness do we totally lean on God.

It's only in disappointment, that you realise your hope can only rest on God alone.

It's only in gloom, sadness and burdened moments that we find God to be the lightest burden to ever carry.

To all those out there suffering under tons of work, intense pressure and unsurmountable struggles in your life,

Take it to the Lord in prayer as the song says.

The best time for Daddy to pick us up is when we are too tired to do anything anymore.

It is finished.

It is finshed. Don't ever what to talk about it. Can't wait to hand it up tomorrow.

Can't believe this took up so much of my time.

Dance with me again

"Dance with me again, let the angels tell each other, heaven's playing our song" -Jessie Goodman

Sometimes, deep in our heart, we really longed to be loved like a little child, with no strings attached.

You don't need Him to say anything, you don't even need to look at Him.

The nearness of God, the embrace of His big warm arms, the thump of His heart.

Daddy God, lift me up and embrace me. I just want you to love me.

Hope.

Listening to Jessie, Klaus, Kent and many others have reminded me that there is so much depth in worship.

it's like a river. we start ankle deep, then we go knee deep and finally we're totally submerged, immersed in His presence.

"There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, The holy dwelling places of the Most High.

God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. " Psalms 46:4-5

Can my Quiet time be always total immersion in His presence? Can youth service be like this? Can main service be like this?

Can. Whether we want to or not.

Complain

Talking to God, talking to Him about everything - Kent henry

Wah, it's almost over..can't take it!! just finish doing my project. =)Whine whine whine.

Talked about worship abit just now at Gloria Jeans with some of my peeps.

Something leaps in my heart whenever people around me start talking about worship. It's like, my inner man suddenly lights up and sends a signal that goes beep beep in my head.


Don't know why I got this sudden blogging craze. Maybe it's becuz of this new RSS feeder I got from Jason Lee Tok Kong. Wah.

if you want it pls drop me a msg at the tagboard.
It's for MAC users only.

Old Wives' Tale

My auntie said soaking in the mango in salt water will get rid of heatiness in the mango.

Sheesh.
Well, doomsday on Friday, and my project group is driving me nuts. But it's ok. Endure.

Nonetheless, listened to Jessie Goodman today and something about worship just struck me.

There's just this endless depth of His presence. Woah. Don't know how and don't know why, but it's just ... satisfying. Haha.

Sweet Jesus, in the roar of His waterfall... Wash me over and rush over me...Wonder what the Psalmist was doing.

I can imagine, him near a large waterfall, sitting with his lyre, harp or any ancient instrument, and singing and singing and just being reminded of how awesome His presence is.

Wah. Don't ever let worship be boring Lord. It is a disgrace to You!

Work

I remember a line from a kent henry song I always sang to myself when I was emo in Secondary School and JC.

When my heart pined for the love of the girl I liked, when quiet time was super dry, when I got scolded lots lots by my leaders.. haha. This should stir up some interest in reading this resurrected blog.

"Why do I sway, I can't face the day without You.. My heart beats away, but Your love remains always true"

The load of work is super heavy! No wonder some of my kids are dying.

No rest + no QT + no connection with God + too much project/work = death inside out

The most important thing for me now is to keep my heart soft and close to Him.

The hardest thing to do, so it seems. When time is such a precious commodity, God becomes a rarity.

One more week, then the projects are over.

Endure.

Updated!

Boo.

I shall update my blog.

So here we have. An entry. =)

Time flies.

I'll be interning at KPMG this summer. What exciting prospects.