Yesterday, God spoke to me about living a life of no regrets.
I have done so many things I regret. I regret slacking in Secondary School. I regret wasting time not seeking the Lord. I regret loving the things of the world more than God.
I look at my life and I think to myself, what if I had spend all the time I wasted just seeking God a bit more?
What if I had done more bible study for just 15mins a day more? What if I had perservered a bit more? Questions that have no end, nor answer.
I look back sometimes at my secondary life and JC life and I ask myself - how much closer have I grown to God? Honestly, I feel real shallow. Sometimes my leaders tell me I have grown. I agree - growth in areas people see. What about my prayer closet? What about my daily devotion?
Those areas are unseen by the eyes of Man but transparent and clear in from God's view.
Live a life of no regret.
I look at my friends, people of my age. I see the passion. I see the quiet ocnfidence and trust. I see prayer giants in them. I ask myself - what are you spending your time on? What kind of devotion do you offer the Lord?
Today I read Acts 10 - v4 says,"...Your prayers and gifts to the poor have come up as a memorial offering before God"
I really want my prayers to be a memorial Lord! But my heart is so harden! I want to stand before Jesus and before us stands a pillar of prayer!
May my life always reflect His beauty and love!
Don't regret. Don't live in regret. Don't look back and say I could have done this or that. Don't wait till 5yrs later, when all your friends are moving on with the Lord and then you start thinking about your life!
"Man who build kingdoms and man who build thrones, heaven does not know their name" - Jason Upton
Yet, we can't discount God's timing and sovereignty in our lives. Everything is made perfect in His plans. So I am comforted. Henceforth, I will try to live a life and make decisions I won't regret.
My dad always told me, ' Whatever I do, make sure I don't regret doing it.' SImple, yet so true.
Lord, help me. Because I can never do it.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Unappreciated
I feel unappreciated.
A combination of two events occurred today.
1. My English class took remedial from one of my colleagues. Now, that's fine. But when they heard I was helping her, one student sneered and said," Huh? Don't want la." Whoa, that tipped the scales.
2. The briefing for the exam schedule took place after school. It dawned upon me again : Relief teachers are the outcastes of the teaching world. My friend was given an absolutely apathetic remark when she brought up her query.
Back to event no. 1. It sure doesn't feel good. I admit, I don't exactly know how to teach them. Their class is pretty hard to handle. I feel like I'm talking to myself most of the time! I know this shouldn't affect me in such measure, but it did. Sure ain't feeling good. Then again, in retrospect, I must say I don't think I am as dedicated to them as my colleague helping them. Maybe that distinguishes her from me.
Like I said, na de qi, fang de xia: Can take up, also can put down. (translated literally.)
Shan't dwell too much on that.
Wondered how Jesus felt when nobody appreciated His efforts. Wonder how it feels to bear the burden of sin with the feeling of His disciples abandoning Him. Must have felt worse than how I feel now.
Lord, may I never let You down. Help me to always remember You and not take You lightly!
Anyway, today, I didn't get the chance to evangelise. Ate lunch with my colleagues and thought I had to rush up to help. In the end, I spent the remainder of the day typing out stuff for Sound ministry.
Just got home. Exhausted.
A combination of two events occurred today.
1. My English class took remedial from one of my colleagues. Now, that's fine. But when they heard I was helping her, one student sneered and said," Huh? Don't want la." Whoa, that tipped the scales.
2. The briefing for the exam schedule took place after school. It dawned upon me again : Relief teachers are the outcastes of the teaching world. My friend was given an absolutely apathetic remark when she brought up her query.
Back to event no. 1. It sure doesn't feel good. I admit, I don't exactly know how to teach them. Their class is pretty hard to handle. I feel like I'm talking to myself most of the time! I know this shouldn't affect me in such measure, but it did. Sure ain't feeling good. Then again, in retrospect, I must say I don't think I am as dedicated to them as my colleague helping them. Maybe that distinguishes her from me.
Like I said, na de qi, fang de xia: Can take up, also can put down. (translated literally.)
Shan't dwell too much on that.
Wondered how Jesus felt when nobody appreciated His efforts. Wonder how it feels to bear the burden of sin with the feeling of His disciples abandoning Him. Must have felt worse than how I feel now.
Lord, may I never let You down. Help me to always remember You and not take You lightly!
Anyway, today, I didn't get the chance to evangelise. Ate lunch with my colleagues and thought I had to rush up to help. In the end, I spent the remainder of the day typing out stuff for Sound ministry.
Just got home. Exhausted.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
The mystery of the missing Birks!!
Lightning screeched across the skyline...
An eerie mist haunted Telok Kurau Lor K that very night...
I received a call from one of my brothers. It seemed pretty urgent. I was torn in between savouring my black pepper crab and the need to rush. I chose the latter. Carrying my backpack, I left the house and said my goodbyes to the figure at the computer whom I call my "brother".
Nature did not favour me, I was left to battle the elements. She left me with no choice - I had to drive.
There hung a ominous presence as I walked toward the lift. Something was missing. I could not put my finger to it. I just knew. Something wasn't right.
My eyes shifted to the top of my shoe cupboard. It was gone.
Don't panic, I told myself, Dad must have put into the cupboard. I was optimistic, too optimistic. I swung the door open, not a glimpse of the black sandal strap. Urgency beckoned me and I left the house.
The next morning, I woke up. I was performing my ablutions and taking things slow on a sunny Saturday morning when it struck me. My birks were still missing. Questions ran to and fro in my mind. Could someone had stolen it? Was it Peggie, my neighbour? Was it the cleaner, Ganee? Why would someone want such a 'Lao Ah Peh' looking sandals? I couldn't let it go. I had to solve the mystery.
Deciding to give it another go, I searched the lift landing where I placed all my shoes. Alas, it was nowhere to be found.
I had to seek for assistance, I needed some clues. I called Pops. I had an excuse; the bucket we used for washing car was missing. I needed intel fast.
"Dad, when was the last time you saw the sandals?" I asked as calmly as I could manage.
"I didn't see it. Where did you place it?" He mused.
"On top of the newspaper, that was quite some time ago. WEdnesday?" The answer was near. I could feel it coming.
"Aiyah! Ganee must have took it la! Anything on top of the pile of papers he will clear. Quick quick, go find him..."
That was all I needed to know. I hung up, and went downstairs to look for it.
Ganee was sitting there. He was resting. I approached him.
"Hey.. Did you see the sandals on top of the newspaper?" I asked.
"Oh...that one ah..aiyah, I cleared it. Lucky you come find me. Come, come, come," Ganee signalled me to walk over.
We walked towards a shed where he kept all his cleaning equipment. There we stood peering into a small basket, presumably containing discarded items he considered valuable. From a pile of stuff, he pulled out my sandals.
The mystery was solved. My sandals recovered. Phew! And I thought I had to order another pair with the girls from church...
An eerie mist haunted Telok Kurau Lor K that very night...
I received a call from one of my brothers. It seemed pretty urgent. I was torn in between savouring my black pepper crab and the need to rush. I chose the latter. Carrying my backpack, I left the house and said my goodbyes to the figure at the computer whom I call my "brother".
Nature did not favour me, I was left to battle the elements. She left me with no choice - I had to drive.
There hung a ominous presence as I walked toward the lift. Something was missing. I could not put my finger to it. I just knew. Something wasn't right.
My eyes shifted to the top of my shoe cupboard. It was gone.
Don't panic, I told myself, Dad must have put into the cupboard. I was optimistic, too optimistic. I swung the door open, not a glimpse of the black sandal strap. Urgency beckoned me and I left the house.
The next morning, I woke up. I was performing my ablutions and taking things slow on a sunny Saturday morning when it struck me. My birks were still missing. Questions ran to and fro in my mind. Could someone had stolen it? Was it Peggie, my neighbour? Was it the cleaner, Ganee? Why would someone want such a 'Lao Ah Peh' looking sandals? I couldn't let it go. I had to solve the mystery.
Deciding to give it another go, I searched the lift landing where I placed all my shoes. Alas, it was nowhere to be found.
I had to seek for assistance, I needed some clues. I called Pops. I had an excuse; the bucket we used for washing car was missing. I needed intel fast.
"Dad, when was the last time you saw the sandals?" I asked as calmly as I could manage.
"I didn't see it. Where did you place it?" He mused.
"On top of the newspaper, that was quite some time ago. WEdnesday?" The answer was near. I could feel it coming.
"Aiyah! Ganee must have took it la! Anything on top of the pile of papers he will clear. Quick quick, go find him..."
That was all I needed to know. I hung up, and went downstairs to look for it.
Ganee was sitting there. He was resting. I approached him.
"Hey.. Did you see the sandals on top of the newspaper?" I asked.
"Oh...that one ah..aiyah, I cleared it. Lucky you come find me. Come, come, come," Ganee signalled me to walk over.
We walked towards a shed where he kept all his cleaning equipment. There we stood peering into a small basket, presumably containing discarded items he considered valuable. From a pile of stuff, he pulled out my sandals.
The mystery was solved. My sandals recovered. Phew! And I thought I had to order another pair with the girls from church...
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
An excerpt.
Yet another Tuesday.
I tend to approach each morning with some disdain. Sometimes, the mechanical duties of a teacher bore me.
Hai, I haven't called any of my kids this week yet. Sometimes I wonder what the rest of the LG leaders do during the week. I wonder how much time they aportion for their LG.
Anyway, the relief teachers (that's me, jasmine and three other girls) went out for lunch and dessert. It was Jasmine's last day at Bedok Green, so we gave here a farewell lunch. We went TM and ate at Pastamania. Oh man, ordered Country Baked Pasta and it tasted horrible. not really palatable. The pasta was dry and hard, and the sauce was too milky for my liking.
We went to Gelare for dessert after that. Took some photos. So here's one of it!
Check out the waffles (WAH-fles) ! Yummy.
I tend to approach each morning with some disdain. Sometimes, the mechanical duties of a teacher bore me.
Hai, I haven't called any of my kids this week yet. Sometimes I wonder what the rest of the LG leaders do during the week. I wonder how much time they aportion for their LG.
Anyway, the relief teachers (that's me, jasmine and three other girls) went out for lunch and dessert. It was Jasmine's last day at Bedok Green, so we gave here a farewell lunch. We went TM and ate at Pastamania. Oh man, ordered Country Baked Pasta and it tasted horrible. not really palatable. The pasta was dry and hard, and the sauce was too milky for my liking.
We went to Gelare for dessert after that. Took some photos. So here's one of it!
Check out the waffles (WAH-fles) ! Yummy.Anyway, kudos to all relief teachers! You guys and gals suffer a heavy workload with less pay, no medical leave benefits and all the hideous crap from students! It is truly altruistic of you people!! Some of them (above in pic) actually do more work than a normal teacher! Thank God, I am spared with a pretty light schedule.
So it's true.
If God doesn't call you to teach, or you think you don't have the stamina, PLEASE , don't teach.
It can kill.
I am reading EM Bound now. If you want to learn about prayer, read his books!! Excellent! I really want to grow in praying. It's something that has captured me since we started praying for our friends!! That's about it.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
So Now What?
Wow, two days gone by so quickly.
It was just last Saturday, that God placed within us the burden for our friends.
And, now, it's over.
My friends didn't come. They weren't able to make it.
One question is pertinent: What now? What now that our friends didn't come? What am I gonna do?
I don't know. I pray that what has happened remains. I pray that it would be a lifestyle change for me. I pray.
It must carry on. My friends and family are still on Hell's waiting list. I must persist.
May my fire remain strong.
Just wrote a song about pray. Still in the process of it though.
Well, thank God for salvations today! Yeah!
Still wonder how it's like to have your own friend accept Jesus. It's alien to me.
Sad to say, I have never brought a friend to Christ. Lord, when? When will my friends be saved?Am I desperate enough? Am I praying enough? Did I live a life that reflected Your glory? Questions I always asked myself.
Well, not much use wallowing in my past. It would be better for me to see what I can do now.
What I can do is pray, and invite. And that is just what I'll do. So help me God.
It was just last Saturday, that God placed within us the burden for our friends.
And, now, it's over.
My friends didn't come. They weren't able to make it.
One question is pertinent: What now? What now that our friends didn't come? What am I gonna do?
I don't know. I pray that what has happened remains. I pray that it would be a lifestyle change for me. I pray.
It must carry on. My friends and family are still on Hell's waiting list. I must persist.
May my fire remain strong.
Just wrote a song about pray. Still in the process of it though.
Well, thank God for salvations today! Yeah!
Still wonder how it's like to have your own friend accept Jesus. It's alien to me.
Sad to say, I have never brought a friend to Christ. Lord, when? When will my friends be saved?Am I desperate enough? Am I praying enough? Did I live a life that reflected Your glory? Questions I always asked myself.
Well, not much use wallowing in my past. It would be better for me to see what I can do now.
What I can do is pray, and invite. And that is just what I'll do. So help me God.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
What's it all about Lord?
What's happening Lord? Where's the breakthrough?
I seem to be the only one who doesn't feel a thing!!
What's more, my friends can't make it!
Lord, is it me? Am I not desperate enough? Am I not praying enough?
Argh Lord! What's wrong?
Today, I couldn't take it. I was too sleepy. Wanted to pray at 4pm but ended up going to sleep. Argh. Struggled. In the end, prayed at 630pm.
I was very discouraged. Because my friends weren't responding! I asked myself many many questions. I felt lousy. I felt incompetent.
But then it dawned upon me. I was sucking myself into self-pity. Didn't want that to happen. So I stopped and gave thought to what was happening.
Maybe God was challenging me to something more. I remember Him asking on Sunday,"How long will your fire last?" And today He asked me," How long are you willing to pray for? This week only?"
I don't want it to end this week. I really want to continue praying for them. I really want to see my family and friends experience His love. I really want to.
God keep stirring me, because my passion and faith are low. I want to keep praying till I see Your promises fulfilled.
Lord, SPARE YOUR PEOPLE! We want to stand in the gap. We will pray on our knees.
I seem to be the only one who doesn't feel a thing!!
What's more, my friends can't make it!
Lord, is it me? Am I not desperate enough? Am I not praying enough?
Argh Lord! What's wrong?
Today, I couldn't take it. I was too sleepy. Wanted to pray at 4pm but ended up going to sleep. Argh. Struggled. In the end, prayed at 630pm.
I was very discouraged. Because my friends weren't responding! I asked myself many many questions. I felt lousy. I felt incompetent.
But then it dawned upon me. I was sucking myself into self-pity. Didn't want that to happen. So I stopped and gave thought to what was happening.
Maybe God was challenging me to something more. I remember Him asking on Sunday,"How long will your fire last?" And today He asked me," How long are you willing to pray for? This week only?"
I don't want it to end this week. I really want to continue praying for them. I really want to see my family and friends experience His love. I really want to.
God keep stirring me, because my passion and faith are low. I want to keep praying till I see Your promises fulfilled.
Lord, SPARE YOUR PEOPLE! We want to stand in the gap. We will pray on our knees.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Have You Caught It Yet?
The past weeks have been exhilarating. The visitation of God upon Rgen has been no less than awesome!
I have learnt more about prayer this week; and that's because I begin to pray more. Hah!
Yup, I have learnt the value of prayer. Really. I always thought some people just had a knack for prayer, and I wasn't one of those. I always thought that I 'specialised' in worship. So Quiet time was 30% prayer and 70% worship. Well, this few weeks, I have seen the power of prayer. When I begin praying, God begins to place in me desires to pray and that has been so so cool!
It draws me to God. And I long for that drawing.
The past week has been a tough journey. Juggling with thoughts about myself, my LG. I wondered, how come I still can't pray with that desperation? Why can't I just travail for the souls of others? I questioned myself regularly whethered I was being a spiritual model of prayer for the younger ones. So afraid that my lack of hunger would be a stumbling block to my LG.
I really asked myself al these and up till now, I'm still looking for the answers.
I have arrived at one conclusion: to pray until my heart is broken and I can pray His heart.
I'd just know it! I'd know when I've prayed the prayers of the Father.
I really want to cry out for my generation! The hardness in my heart has taught me one thing: Revival Prayers are God-given. I really cannot churn out such a deep cry. It is really by God's grace and timing.
So have you caught it? Have you started going on your knees?
When have you wept for your generation? If not, start with your heart. God looks for a place to drop His prayer. Will you allow Him to?
I have learnt more about prayer this week; and that's because I begin to pray more. Hah!
Yup, I have learnt the value of prayer. Really. I always thought some people just had a knack for prayer, and I wasn't one of those. I always thought that I 'specialised' in worship. So Quiet time was 30% prayer and 70% worship. Well, this few weeks, I have seen the power of prayer. When I begin praying, God begins to place in me desires to pray and that has been so so cool!
It draws me to God. And I long for that drawing.
The past week has been a tough journey. Juggling with thoughts about myself, my LG. I wondered, how come I still can't pray with that desperation? Why can't I just travail for the souls of others? I questioned myself regularly whethered I was being a spiritual model of prayer for the younger ones. So afraid that my lack of hunger would be a stumbling block to my LG.
I really asked myself al these and up till now, I'm still looking for the answers.
I have arrived at one conclusion: to pray until my heart is broken and I can pray His heart.
I'd just know it! I'd know when I've prayed the prayers of the Father.
I really want to cry out for my generation! The hardness in my heart has taught me one thing: Revival Prayers are God-given. I really cannot churn out such a deep cry. It is really by God's grace and timing.
So have you caught it? Have you started going on your knees?
When have you wept for your generation? If not, start with your heart. God looks for a place to drop His prayer. Will you allow Him to?
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Aye, posting has become so irregular these days.
These past few days, I have been trying to cut down on computer usage, and spend more time with the Lord.
MY daily schedule is as follows:
School till 2pm
Home and rest till 3pm
Sleep till 430pm
Quiet time till 6pm
REading till 7pm
Dinner till 9pm
COmputer till 10plus
Bed 11pm
My colleagues in school say I lead a boring life. Well, I beg to differ! The times I get to spend with God are getting more and more exciting! It just doesn't get better.
It's funny. When I start doing my QT, sometimes, I feel kinda like, 'Oh man, it's routine again...' Yet, when I enter into His presence, He feels near and things start to happen. I hear from Him, I begin praying as He leads. It's really real! I love it!
Anyway, I was talking to my kids and I really wonder if some of them have caught what GOd has been doing in our midst. I really worry. I look at them and I really want to tell them to just abandon it all and follow Jesus!
Alas, life and its attractiveness seeks to pull our attention away from Him. If only they could see the emptiness and vagueness of living a life apart form God.
1 Cor 13:7 "(Love) bears all things, believes all things,hopes all things, endures all things."
Spoke to Gerald while we were running at ECP. He mentioned about looking at the destiny in our youth and not just what they are now. I so agree with him.
I believe. I believe in the destiny God has for all of them. Looking with my eyes of faith.
Tomorrow is the last day of the week. Yes! Finally!
Anyway, sorry for the untidiness of my thought patterns.
I just went out with the Deltas. FYI, that's what we're called when we were in BB (7th Coy). 5 of us, the remnant of the initial 14, met up at Plaza Singh for dinner and a movie. It was a good time of talking and just getting to know how each other have been.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to Youth Service this Saturday. There is power when we gather to PRAY!
These past few days, I have been trying to cut down on computer usage, and spend more time with the Lord.
MY daily schedule is as follows:
School till 2pm
Home and rest till 3pm
Sleep till 430pm
Quiet time till 6pm
REading till 7pm
Dinner till 9pm
COmputer till 10plus
Bed 11pm
My colleagues in school say I lead a boring life. Well, I beg to differ! The times I get to spend with God are getting more and more exciting! It just doesn't get better.
It's funny. When I start doing my QT, sometimes, I feel kinda like, 'Oh man, it's routine again...' Yet, when I enter into His presence, He feels near and things start to happen. I hear from Him, I begin praying as He leads. It's really real! I love it!
Anyway, I was talking to my kids and I really wonder if some of them have caught what GOd has been doing in our midst. I really worry. I look at them and I really want to tell them to just abandon it all and follow Jesus!
Alas, life and its attractiveness seeks to pull our attention away from Him. If only they could see the emptiness and vagueness of living a life apart form God.
1 Cor 13:7 "(Love) bears all things, believes all things,hopes all things, endures all things."
Spoke to Gerald while we were running at ECP. He mentioned about looking at the destiny in our youth and not just what they are now. I so agree with him.
I believe. I believe in the destiny God has for all of them. Looking with my eyes of faith.
Tomorrow is the last day of the week. Yes! Finally!
Anyway, sorry for the untidiness of my thought patterns.
I just went out with the Deltas. FYI, that's what we're called when we were in BB (7th Coy). 5 of us, the remnant of the initial 14, met up at Plaza Singh for dinner and a movie. It was a good time of talking and just getting to know how each other have been.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to Youth Service this Saturday. There is power when we gather to PRAY!
Monday, April 03, 2006
Today and Yesterday
Today God spoke to me about sharing with my brother. So I did.
I've always struggled with God on this kind of issues. Especially when I feel the need to go talk to someone about God. It's always with strangers that I get really scared. Oh man. I want to overcome the area, yet i am so scared!
So I thought sharing with my brother in obedience would be the first step. Yup. Felt I just had to share!
Not much of a response though. Maybe I wasn't succint. Anyway, I'm pretty glad I did it.
This week is a week of DESPERATE prayer! I want to level up praying..haha.
Ok let's talk about Today.
Today, I left house on time and managed a pretty relaxed schedule at school.
Today I left house with NO money and I had to go home and cook myself a pack of noodles.
So lame. Haha, tried to survice on a pack of biscuits from the pantry in the staff room.
Let's move backwards to what happened yesterday.
We went Brighton Youth cuz Ps Ben was preaching, and boy, the energy level was sky high! The youth, albeit small 40-60pax, were screaming their lungs out for Jesus during praise! Wow. They went crazy for the Lord! It was a good experience. Argh! Contine writing another time...
I've always struggled with God on this kind of issues. Especially when I feel the need to go talk to someone about God. It's always with strangers that I get really scared. Oh man. I want to overcome the area, yet i am so scared!
So I thought sharing with my brother in obedience would be the first step. Yup. Felt I just had to share!
Not much of a response though. Maybe I wasn't succint. Anyway, I'm pretty glad I did it.
This week is a week of DESPERATE prayer! I want to level up praying..haha.
Ok let's talk about Today.
Today, I left house on time and managed a pretty relaxed schedule at school.
Today I left house with NO money and I had to go home and cook myself a pack of noodles.
So lame. Haha, tried to survice on a pack of biscuits from the pantry in the staff room.
Let's move backwards to what happened yesterday.
We went Brighton Youth cuz Ps Ben was preaching, and boy, the energy level was sky high! The youth, albeit small 40-60pax, were screaming their lungs out for Jesus during praise! Wow. They went crazy for the Lord! It was a good experience. Argh! Contine writing another time...
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