Feels weird. I can't describe the feeling. I feel like I am stuck in time.

This morning when my Dad asked me to fetch my bro to school, I thought he still had remedial. It wasn't much later that I realised school had started for all the young ones.

Well, ain't much this week. Preparing songs for youth sunday and a video for Bali trip.

Aiyah dunno la. Forget it. Haha. No inspiration to blog. But here is a picture of my brother.

Bali Trip

I'm back! It's been a while.

Well, Bali Trip was good. Didn't do much ministry, but nonetheless, God spoke. And that, for me, is good enough.

Disappointed? Not really, because I got to rest as well. My only comparison would be that of a mission trip to Jogjakarta. Now that, was really hectic and we saw things we never seen before. Maybe that's why the expectation for the Bali trip. God does things His own way, and that settles it for me.

This trip, we had ministry on two days, and so it was a good mixture of fun and work.

One thing I felt I should have done more was pray. The mood was relaxed and I think I took it too easy. That's a lesson learnt.

We did have a good time shopping, buying souvenirs and feasting. Haha.

JAson, Daryl and I went to this Japanese Fusion Restaurant. Woah, the rolls were really good. I can't describe it, but it was delectable! You have to taste it to understand... HAha. We ate dunkin doughnuts too!! Yummy!!

God reminded me that His thoughts outnumber the grains of sand (Psa 139:18) during devotion one morning, and as I sat along the beach and watched the sunrise, I really felt small and insignificant. Who is man that You are mindful of him? Unfortunately, my handphone camera isn't really that good at capturing. What a waste! So that's about it for Bali trip.. Thank God!

Non-inspiring post

Today is just one of those I-don't-have-the-mood-to-blog days. So hopefully, I don't sound like I'm taking minutes.

Haha, anyway I'd still blog, since I am going away to Bali tomorrow afternoon.

Well, I am sick. And it really doesn't feel good. Was quite sick on Tuesday afternoon; wanted to go see a doctor, but I was ambivalent. Finally, I decided to put my faith to the test.

You see, last week, and two weeks back, I told god, nonchalantly, that I needed something to test my faith. So you see, God honours your word. Casual conversations with God do lead to serious consequences.

Anyway, I fell sick. So it was a good time of trusting God to heal me. No fever since yesterday! Praise God! Still feel a little sick, but nonetheless, so so much better! Yup, thank God really.

Being physically weak has showed me how weak I can be. My old self re-surfaces, old habits resurrect. Hah. How weak and feeble my mind and will can be.

As I go Bali, I want to try to be at my best for God. But, whatever lah, God uses our weakness to perfect His power.

I think the lesson for me this week and the weeks to come is obedience.

Daryl and I were talking about pride, we were wondering how to stop the pride-thing from surfacing in our lives.

For me, it's loving God, hearing His voice and obeying Him.

It's so easy, yet I struggle so much at times.

Lord, it was never needed, yet you chose to give Your life for me. How can I stand here and not be moved by You?

God's account of merit was never about how many ministries, how many worship duties, how many people you shepherd or how many prophescies you given, it's only currency is OBEDIENCE.

Welcome back! Wow! Church Retreat has really been a retreat for me! It was such a wonderful time of listening to God and letting God affect a greater part of my life!

Well, God spoke to me during the camp.

If you do read my previous entries, I think I mentioned about having a child-like faith.

In God's timing, nothing is coincidental. When I went for camp, Lill spoke about being a child again. And it rang through in my heart.

I really felt the need to return to being a little kid in God's eyes.

Some things just hit you really hard, even though they seem like truths that everyone should understand and know.

I was kneeling at the altar on Wednesday night, and God re-affirm His love for me.

You see, I have always never felt good about myself, diving myself into God's work and putting on a mask. I've allowed ministry, at times, to mask my vunerabilities.

During camp, I had NOTHING to do- well almost. And it felt quite uncomfortable. I have come to realise that serving had been a form of escape for me. Don't ask me why, but focusing on work turned my eyes away from letting God deal with me.

And so He did during the camp. God really showed me and told me that He could be my everything; if I let Him be. All those wonderful verses of love and God's faithfulness became so so real.

I felt the Lord's embrace. It's an indescribable feeling. It just makes you bail and wail. Overwhelmed.

I like to 'feel' His presence. I like to always have the 'loved' feeling. But I guess God, doesn't always make it as such; if not, my walk with God would be totally reliant on my emotions.

Felt the Lord tell me to walk in faith in this area - to trust Him to be my all. To know that His words ring through even through the valley.

Can't elaborate properly because I just woke up. Still quite sleepy. All Glory to Him, because even when we are faithless, He is faithful.

Lord, thank You that Your love is never ever measured by what we are, what we do, or the sins we committed. It is without condition. I can never fully understand the depths of Your love. But I know it's deep enough to warrant my full response. So Lord, I love you. I try to Lord. I really do. Amen.

Child-like faith

Well, one more day to church camp.

Glorious time of fellowship! Kinda excited to go church camp. Really looking forward to it.

This is the first time I can actually ask God to speak to me. The past youth camps have always been action and more action! A nice refreshing change. =)

This time, I would have the time and space to ponder and meditate over His word and sit in His presence! Yes!

Well, yesterday was a great time of service and missions meeting.

Don't know why, but last night as I was doing my Quiet Time, God reminded me of child-like faith. At that moment, the face of one of the youth flashed through my mind.

He would always catch my eye. Don't ask me who, you go figure. I'd always see him at the altar kneeling and pouring his heart out to the Lord. Such purity and earnesty.

He's more hungry than some of us older christians; not comparing, don't get me wrong.

When I look at him, I only see a heart fully yielded to the Lord.

The second thing that went through my mind was a picture of my heart. I just felt God removing all the layers of hardeness, and there appeared a 'fresh' heart. Hah.

I guess that sums it all up. A simple, untainted love for God.

Help me Lord, because I find it so hard to say yes when You ask me to. Give me a child-like heart, because all You ask is simple trust.

Wah... My head's growing big, so many nice comments.

Well, anyway, decided to blog since I am waiting for my brother to finish his game. Gotta send him to school.

Time flies, and it's the end of the week already. This week, I told myself I'd spend more time with God since I don't have anymore school. Unfortunately, the opposite took place.

Well, oops. Time for some repentance and solid time with God. Must do it! Cuz I actually feel quite remorseful. Heh.

Anyway, had missions prep training on Wednesday night. It was good.

We were paired up to pray and listen to God. It was a session on praying for others and moving in the Spirit. I was saboed by Dom and Daryl - there were only three of us and Ps Ben. Their chairs shuffled and faced each other, faces to the ground, before I could even say "Shish-Kebab".

So I prayed with Ps Ben. That was ok.

It wasn't till the meeting was ending and Ps Ben was rounding up and then he said,

"Jem, I see a word, ' Discouragement'."

Ok, wow, so scary. I was like, oh man, why don't say just now when I pray for you, only release now??

ANyway, Daryl and Dom prayed for me and God said He believed in me.

That, was awesome. Having a person look into your eyes and tell you He believes in you is simply breath-taking.

Well, my brother's rushing me, so my last words to you peeps,

God believes in you, even when you don't see the breakthru.

God believes in you, even when you turn away from Him.

Thanks Jesus, because when I hear those words, I know You meany every single one of them. Thank You.