Student Cries @ 4As for A Levels

A mixture of emotions regarding a report I read in the Newpaper. It seems pretty absurd for a person to cry over a decent set of results obtained. Really wonder why one would be so disappointed.

What could be the reasons??

Well, firstly it definitely stems from expectations. Expectations of what their results should be.

Expectations stem from two sources : themselves and what other's would think,or have thought of them.

Well, expectation from others come from either parents or friends, or even society. The immediate environment you live in ie your school, or your country.

RJC. Don't see Ben Seck feeling stress over his results. We'll talk about him later on.

Hmm, wonder why people place such expectations no themselves. They place so much attention, invest so much energy and effort to obtain academic perfection. I wonder what drives them.

Secondly, it could be fear. Fear motivates people to really go beyond themselves. Perhaps, fear of being looked down, fear of losing out, fear of dsappointment, fear of not being noticed, not standing out.

don't really know.

Don't know whether to laugh or sympathise with them. It seems that they are really really blinded people.

Life without Jesus drives us to live in constant fear and in constant need to meet expectations of others.

With Jesus, we live in Godly fear and the need to meet His expectations. =) Not that it's easier, just that it makes you happier. If you let Him work. Well, that's enough for now. Time to continue mugging for my Financial Management.

The pursuit of Happyness

Today, some of me pals and I went to catch the movie.

It's funny how they mention that happiness will always remain as a pursuit.

Even as I think about the Christian journey, it's not always been happy and cheery all through summer. I've had my patchy moments.

The elusive, perfect life we all so eagerly long for. It always seems when we feel really down that we start wishing for better stuff. You feel me?

Wish you had not done this, wish you were this other person. Wish ya were in another church. Wish ya had different leaders. Wish your leaders were nicer. Etc, etc, this list goes on and on and on.

Before I continue, happiness is a state of freedom, to smile and to just feel comfortable. It also involves a feeling of satisfaction. It makes you feel good. May not be about yourself.

I ask myself, what do I really want? What makes me happy?

Well, food makes me happy. But only for a moment.

The only thing that really lasts, for me, is when I've lead a good worship session, or someone from the lifegroup comes up and says thanks to me. Now those moments REALLy make me happy.

The other thing that makes me really happy, is when I know I am right with God. That's a real sense of happiness. More of freedom.

Well, I guess I'm really happy when I do God's will. Really.

My friend said at starbucks that happiness is really up to the individual to define. Well, I'm not too sure about that. Some things make us happy for a day, others for a month. But nothing every really lasts. You see, we were all made with one purpose, to love God. Until we do it, we can never be really happy.

I guess God knew and still knows better. Honestly, having tasted it, I tend to side Him. =)

Run, and don't look back.

Well, read Samuel's testimony on POWER M&M's blog. And I felt kinda reminded of a few things I'd like to place on virtual memory.

Choices and paths, two things I would like to talk about in this entry. I still remember the times when I would stand at the altar and tell God I give my life to Him. Only to falter and fall so many times.

I still remember the tears streaming down my eyes, the deep angst and emotion. And that burning desire to lay all down for Him.

Today I sit here and I ask myself, have I truly given my life to Him? I look back at the times I have said yes to Him, but I realise now that I've not truly given it to Him. Sigh.

At this very moment, my faith and passion waiver and I think I've sort of lost it.

Time has allowed me to put on fronts pretty easily. It's kinda easy to come on Saturday and just put on a show.

Yet time has also solidified my relationship with Jesus and my thinking, perceptions, ideals about life's journey.

I really want to make it to the end. No matter the cost, and no matter how much time I take. Obstacles will always be obstacles, they will only be there for that specific point of the race. I just gotta keep running and jumping over them.

Desire is one thing, it must lead to action. And that's what I aim to achieve as I trudge on.

Lord, I must make it to the end, theres nothing else that's worth it.

Late Nights

Hmm, such an ungodly hour. Yet I'm still wide awake. The mood's pensive. Don't know why. But it's just another great moment to blog! Hah.

My curtains are down and in the laundry so that means I on public display. Anyway, the skies look rlly nice and calm. Peaceful. A complete opposite of what life is like in the day.

Regrets. That's the word on one of the boy's MSN display.

Any regrets in my life? Plenty. Self-induced, one too often. I wonder what it would be like if all my sins were counted against me. I'd be lost for words, actions, and reaction.

I don't know. How can I respond for the countless misdeeds? How can I stand righteous for the wrongdoings?

Forgiveness. We all need it. Constantly.

Sometimes I look in the sky and I wonder what life would be like if I didn't do certain things. Or make errors that on hindsight were so impetous and rash. Hmm. I can only imagine.

Well, enough retrospect. I guess, I still stand by His grace.

Hope. Of what is unseen and what has been promised.

I wonder what iit would be like when I graduate and start working. A short conversation on the MRT home reminded me of how vicious the corporate rat race is. Or so they say it is. Well I still run the Race?

God protect me and strengthen me. I don't want to stop running!

Taste of Heaven

Wonder what's it like to taste glory?

Wonder how it really feels to enter God's presence and just sit there and let Him reveal Himself to you?

Where the music stops, the people fade, and your eyes are closed. Emotions are intense. There's this burning desire inside to reach out for more. There's this presence that envelopes,encompasses, and engulfs.

You feel hungry, yet you are filled. You want more, but there's nothing more to ask for.

You want to lift your hands, you want to give more. You feel the need to give more.

You feel the need to sing. You want to sing your heart and lungs out to Jesus. You want to play on your instrument and express your feelings.

It's beyond words. You gotta experience it yourself.

Yearn. Desire. Expect.