Wednesday Nights

WEdnesday nights are wierd and tiring nights.

Always rushing to complete Accounting Tutorials, and studying for quiz.

Exams are round the corner, and it's giving me the chills.

Well, I've told God that I would honour Him with my life and my time, so I must. =)

Well, it's kinda hard, amidst the reality of stress and fierce competition from all sorts of muggers here at NBS.

But then again, I will not get caught in this rat race!!

Life-changing.

Wow. It's been awhile good old faithful blog.

I'm back and still blogging, for those of you people who read blogs when ya're free, for a peek into the lives of others.

Hah.

Well, two more weeks to exams. And I don't feel a tinge nervous. I'm too tired of school to feel the urgency. Coupled with a renewed passion to put God above all, it sure hasn't been a top priority to mug.

But mug I must, to maintain a decent grade. =)

A recent spate of events have changed my life, drastically.

First of all, there was that momentus Sunday leader's meeting, where God meet me on my knees. Lill shared that this journey wasn't going to be easy. We had to make a choice, to run or to give up. By His grace, I made my decision, and i told God i would run, with His hand and His strength. I would never forget the tears in my eyes and the repeated words, amidst the sobs of, ' I love You Lord, I will run this race."

Then secondly, there was worship encounter. I spend my week in preparation for it. You know, when you gotta such a gigantic task, you'd be fasting and praying... =P

So i did, and my oh my, did God show me things. I could hear His voice clearer. It's true!

Thirdly, there was evaluation after Worship Encounter. I was reminded that I must cherish my chances to serve Him in my calling. I would never forget those words :"Don't wait till you got no more chance to serve, then you regret not fulfilling what God has called you too."

Invest in my gifts, she said. don't waste your time, she challenged. And my heart was engulfed in angst. I needed to go to God. I needed to fulfil what He's called me too.

So I've made up my mind. To pursue Him at all cost.

Today was funny, I tried praying, but ended up being in the 'spirit'. Hah. I was stoning half the time... =P It's the afternoon heat.

Yet, I will press on. Because, He's called, He's enabled, what more must I do. Just obey

Student Cries @ 4As for A Levels

A mixture of emotions regarding a report I read in the Newpaper. It seems pretty absurd for a person to cry over a decent set of results obtained. Really wonder why one would be so disappointed.

What could be the reasons??

Well, firstly it definitely stems from expectations. Expectations of what their results should be.

Expectations stem from two sources : themselves and what other's would think,or have thought of them.

Well, expectation from others come from either parents or friends, or even society. The immediate environment you live in ie your school, or your country.

RJC. Don't see Ben Seck feeling stress over his results. We'll talk about him later on.

Hmm, wonder why people place such expectations no themselves. They place so much attention, invest so much energy and effort to obtain academic perfection. I wonder what drives them.

Secondly, it could be fear. Fear motivates people to really go beyond themselves. Perhaps, fear of being looked down, fear of losing out, fear of dsappointment, fear of not being noticed, not standing out.

don't really know.

Don't know whether to laugh or sympathise with them. It seems that they are really really blinded people.

Life without Jesus drives us to live in constant fear and in constant need to meet expectations of others.

With Jesus, we live in Godly fear and the need to meet His expectations. =) Not that it's easier, just that it makes you happier. If you let Him work. Well, that's enough for now. Time to continue mugging for my Financial Management.

The pursuit of Happyness

Today, some of me pals and I went to catch the movie.

It's funny how they mention that happiness will always remain as a pursuit.

Even as I think about the Christian journey, it's not always been happy and cheery all through summer. I've had my patchy moments.

The elusive, perfect life we all so eagerly long for. It always seems when we feel really down that we start wishing for better stuff. You feel me?

Wish you had not done this, wish you were this other person. Wish ya were in another church. Wish ya had different leaders. Wish your leaders were nicer. Etc, etc, this list goes on and on and on.

Before I continue, happiness is a state of freedom, to smile and to just feel comfortable. It also involves a feeling of satisfaction. It makes you feel good. May not be about yourself.

I ask myself, what do I really want? What makes me happy?

Well, food makes me happy. But only for a moment.

The only thing that really lasts, for me, is when I've lead a good worship session, or someone from the lifegroup comes up and says thanks to me. Now those moments REALLy make me happy.

The other thing that makes me really happy, is when I know I am right with God. That's a real sense of happiness. More of freedom.

Well, I guess I'm really happy when I do God's will. Really.

My friend said at starbucks that happiness is really up to the individual to define. Well, I'm not too sure about that. Some things make us happy for a day, others for a month. But nothing every really lasts. You see, we were all made with one purpose, to love God. Until we do it, we can never be really happy.

I guess God knew and still knows better. Honestly, having tasted it, I tend to side Him. =)

Run, and don't look back.

Well, read Samuel's testimony on POWER M&M's blog. And I felt kinda reminded of a few things I'd like to place on virtual memory.

Choices and paths, two things I would like to talk about in this entry. I still remember the times when I would stand at the altar and tell God I give my life to Him. Only to falter and fall so many times.

I still remember the tears streaming down my eyes, the deep angst and emotion. And that burning desire to lay all down for Him.

Today I sit here and I ask myself, have I truly given my life to Him? I look back at the times I have said yes to Him, but I realise now that I've not truly given it to Him. Sigh.

At this very moment, my faith and passion waiver and I think I've sort of lost it.

Time has allowed me to put on fronts pretty easily. It's kinda easy to come on Saturday and just put on a show.

Yet time has also solidified my relationship with Jesus and my thinking, perceptions, ideals about life's journey.

I really want to make it to the end. No matter the cost, and no matter how much time I take. Obstacles will always be obstacles, they will only be there for that specific point of the race. I just gotta keep running and jumping over them.

Desire is one thing, it must lead to action. And that's what I aim to achieve as I trudge on.

Lord, I must make it to the end, theres nothing else that's worth it.